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Nov 03, 2017, 05:58AM

The Rules of White Privilege

Professionalism is the only thing that matters.

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Until recently, I never gave much thought to my racial heritage. I have enough trouble as a human and all the awful responsibility that entails without parsing it out to which particular strain of clever killer ape I belong to. Being a working kid actor in New York City in the early-1960s taught me there's an important distinction between people—those who think they have the answers, and those who ask interesting questions. Working union sets in theater and television makes it pretty clear that competence and excellence are unrelated to race or sexual orientation, or even drug use. Professionalism is the only thing that matters. That’s an attitude.

I’ve never really thought of myself as “white,” per se. It’s not even close to the first identifying characteristic that comes to mind when asked to describe myself. Until recently, whenever confronted with the question of race, I opted for “Other,” specifying “New Yorker” where requested. “New Yorker” gives a much clearer impression of who I am than a fucking color. It implies a lot, and people tend to infer a lot. It’s an attitude. I am militantly anti-war. War became obsolete with the advent of biological weapons. I also identify very strongly as an acid head. I believe in LSD as a sacramental substance and a possible cure for much that is wrong with our species. Don’t die wondering, as the lesbians say.

It seems that a lot of people are operating under the mistaken impression that White Privilege is a genetic thing. They’re wrong! White Privilege is an acquired skill, like archery, eating certain kinds of sushi, or using psychedelics. It’s an attitude. Herewith, the rules:

1) Bathe daily and wear clean clothes. It goes a long way toward making a good impression if you don’t smell like you died last week.

2) Speak English. It’s not that hard. I’ve met people with Down’s Syndrome who speak better English than the average black person I meet. If you really want to command authority, spend some time listening to the BBC and imitate that accent. Americans roll over like dogs for that accent.

3) Soften the wardrobe. Stop dressing like some racist caricature of a hoodrat. Notice anything about the Nazis lately? They’re all about Polo shirts and khaki Dockers. They look like real estate sales reps. It’s called “evolution,” and you should try it sometime. Stop wearing Nikes, they’re made by child slaves in the Third World. Buy a belt and learn how it’s used.

4) Do something about your so-called “music.” If you want people to refrain from using the word “nigger,” I’d suggest that you stop using it yourselves. I’ll use any word I damn well please. I never owned slaves and you never picked cotton.

5) Likewise, this whole ridiculous “Black Lives Matter” charade. Cut the shit. If white-on-black crime were anywhere near the rate of black-on-white crime, there wouldn’t be any of you left. The survivors would have fled to Canada by now.

6) Go build something. A bridge, a cathedral, a server farm. Start a town. Start a country. There are at least 40 black-majority, black-ruled countries to choose from. Visit one. See how it works.

7) A valuable quote from Malcolm X: “Be peaceful, be courteous, obey the law, respect everyone, but if someone puts his hand on you, send him to the cemetery.”

I hope this helps. Perhaps I can get around to offering some advice to our Jewish cousins on how to reduce anti-Semitism. It’s obvious that they could use some. It’s getting late. 

Discussion
  • You are a disgusting racist, Alan, and this is some Daily Stormer bullshit. Malcolm X would cheerfully spit in your face if he ever met you, and I would as well. This article is an embarrassment to this site, and to humanity in general. Fuck off and die.

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  • I did not enjoy this article, in particular the Down's Syndrome comment.

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  • Whoa, we agree on something! It's a Christmas miracle! (I'm just busting your chops, mate.)

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  • This sort of goose-stepping racism reflects poorly on Splice Today, and is an insult to thoughtful work of the other writers here. I'm disappointed that Russ Smith would risk squandering his legacy in publishing on something that could have this site branded as a hub for the white power crowd.

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  • You tell Cabal to "Fuck off and die" because of something he's written. You're far worse than him.

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  • My "legacy"? I'm not 92, Tracy. I've published thousands of articles in the course of over 40 years. Cabal's not everyone's favorite, but he clearly has tongue in cheek, and certainly doesn't take himself as seriously as, say, Noah.

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  • Racial epithets and hatred are fine, but “fuck” is beyond the pale. There’s nothing about Alan’s piece that’s tongue in cheek. He’s retailing hate, and you’re defending him...I don’t know why. Because he’s your friend? Because you published it? Because you think Nazis are cute if they don’t take themselves seriously?/ Hatred directed at black people and Jews isn’t funny to me. This article is disgusting, and you should really be ashamed to have published it. It’s depressing that you think the right response here is to bait other writers who are upset that this appears on your site.

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  • "Fuck" is not beyond the pale. You saying that Cabal ought to "die" is.

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  • As someone who has written a number of articles for Splice, I'd like to join Noah, Tracey, and others in condemning this piece. I disavow any connection whatsoever with this writer and regret the editorial decision on this post, as well as this writer's previous work. Whether or not this is intended to be humorous, the fact is that it's not the least bit funny, and instead hurtful and scary to a great many people. We see here a great illustration of white privilege itself. White people can play around with racist polemics all they want precisely because they know that they won't be the ones hurt by it.

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  • Russ, if you can't see why an article retailing stereotypes about black people and using racial epithets is exponentially worse than "fuck off and die", I don't know what to tell you.// You've published a piece by someone entirely devoted to declaring how much he hates black people, and then you start to whine because people have a visceral response.// You're doubling down and getting defensive because you made a crappy publishing decisions and people are asking you to reconsider. Instead of scurrying around looking for ways to be offended, maybe take a minute and reread the piece in light of the universal condemnation you're getting here.

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  • Whatever happened to the adage I grew up with, "sticks and stones can break your bones but words (names) will never hurt me"? If you don't like what your reading, stop reading. Why make death threats Noah? You sound exactly like Trump, getting all pissy because you don't like what's printed. I'm surprised you didn't resort to some "fake News" type insults. Didn't realize you were such a fan of authoritarianism and an opponent of freedom of expression. Russ, have these writers that are bitching at you ever read Cabal before or do you somehow block his articles from their computers? Just curious about the timing of this latest liberal uproar.

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  • "fuck off and die" is an insult, not a death threat.// if words don't matter, why are you bothering to weigh in, Texan? You could just shut up.// Alan's articles are always bad; this was worse than usual.// I and the other writers care about Splice, and would rather it not turn into a venue for Nazis.

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  • Then stop acting like one.

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  • As a writer here, I just want to chip into say I agree with the other writers who've posted; Tom Syverson in particular captures what I feel. Texan, I was drawn to this article by the comments appearing on the main page at the upper left. Quite apart from the practicalities of legislating hate speech, I'd point out nobody's so far called for the limiting of Cabal's right to expression, just stating disapproval of his racism. If you see something you feel is wrong, it seems to me the least you can do is say so.

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  • What are you talking about Matthew? The whole point of the Noah diatribe is about pressuring Splice to only print what he (Noah) deems worthy of print (not likely). Like I said, if you don't like an article, stop reading. That's what I do with the vast majority of Noah's pseudo-intellectual, whining articles. Telling a fellow writer to "fuck off and die" is sleazy, nasty, behavior and no better or worse than the content of Alans article, but, I never suggested that Russ pull the comment. After all, Noah has just as much right to be an asshole as he perceives Alan to be. Personally, I only finished this article because like you, I was curious to read what caused such an overblown violent reaction in the comments window. If not for Noahs overblown sense of self, I could have been spared much disgust. I should probably just follow my own advice and stop reading anything (including comments) by the resident thought dictator Noah

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  • Texan: I guess we're reading Noah's comments differently. I think there's a difference between "it was a mistake to publish this article" and "this article must be pulled from the site." I'd also say there's a difference between arguing ST shouldn't publish Cabal, and saying Cabal has no right to self-expression (Cabal can express himself elsewhere). Personally, I don't think Noah's "fuck off" comment to Cabal is near as bad as the article; Cabal wrote something hurtful to large numbers of people, while Noah's speaking to Cabal alone *because* he did something hurtful. It's a little like the difference between some guy randomly punching people on the street and a cop using force to subdue the guy punching people (or, if you prefer, a passerby using force to subdue the guy). Anyway, that's how I see it.

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  • And here are my 2 cents as well. Personally I think the article should come down and Al Cabal should have the rights given back to him. He can peddle the thing somewhere else. It's sewage and I hate to see it on ST. // As to the "Fuck off and die" debate and the question of why we're all complaining about this article and not previous Al Cabal articles -- that's a whole lot of who gives a shit. I don't normally read Al, but I saw Noah's comment and took a look. The rest is history. And "Fuck off and die" is an expression, not a set of instructions. // It's too bad about Al. That's my final point. This article is as trite as it is nasty, and Al's in a bad way if he's proud of it. This is what he wants out of life? I don't know Al, but we've talked on social media and I used to read his articles before he went Trumpist. He's a lot better than this article, and I hope he pulls his head out of his ass and stops this nonsense.

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  • Well C.T., thanks for illustrating my point. Why are you, Noah, and others making a pro-censorship argument? You think, and Noah thinks, that this article should be removed from the site, (in other words, censored). If it were a liberal view that was offensive to many, would you hold the same view (e.g. a pro-reparations article)? Either fight for the rights of individuals or don't. Principles are nothing but excuses if you only apply them to like minded individuals. I have no problem with those disagreeing with Alan. As I stated before, I wouldn't have finished his drivel if not for the commotion it caused, which, in turn, only encouraged a wider audience for said drivel. Instead of disagreeing and stating rational reasons for said disagreement, Noah delved into the trash and came out with "Fuck off and die". The fact that you implicitly condone such discourse "As to the “Fuck off and die” debate and the question of why we’re all complaining about this article and not previous Al Cabal articles -- that’s a whole lot of who gives a shit. I don’t normally read Al, but I saw Noah’s comment and took a look" only proves that you are not engaging in an honest debate but just finding excuses to censor others from disagreeing with your beliefs. Why not disagree without vitriol and take the high road? It's a course I've seen you take many times and have always respected. Noah, on the other hand, has always taken a DICKtorial approach and is truly no better than the "Nazis" he claims to despise. Final question C.T. Do you think Splice should be an open forum of thoughts and speech, or do you think it is a liberal website that requires only one form of thought?

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  • P.S. For all of you supporting "Fuck off and die" as a rational retort from Noah, would you support Weinstein, Spacey et. al. if their response to the accusations were "Fuck off and die"? What if Trump said it about immigrants? What about Hannity, Gorka, and O'Reilly? What if Rand Paul said it to his neighbor prior to being tackled? Please, as The Thought Police, explain to me when that is an appropriate retort and when it is not.

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  • Texan: 1) How would "pro-reparations" be equivalent to straight-up racism? 2) Of course I wouldn't support Weinstein or Spacey saying "fuck off." But that's got nothing to do with the phrase. The point is who's saying the thing and why.

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  • Since Aubrey left, one commenter's shouldering the crazy burden all by himself. It's impressive, in a way.

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  • Sad that you think being anti-censorship is "shouldering the crazy..." What's next, defending book burning ?

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  • An editorial policy isn't censorship. If I could, I'd change ST's policy this way: we won't promote racism. We'll talk about race and say what we think, and what we say may not be popular with everyone. But we won't encourage race hatred. Whites who want to dump on blacks have many places where they can do so. I'd hate for this site to become one of them. // Remember, there are also things that you don't want ST to say. You've got your list, even if you don't know it. Would you say all right to articles that promoted sex between adults and children? How about an article promoting forced blow-jobs by 10-year-olds? For me, whites sneering at blacks belongs on that list. // Finally, I'll wait for the situation to arise before deciding how I feel about Hannity, Gorka, etc., saying "Fuck off and die." In the case of Noah saying it to Al, I say that being a snot about blacks calls for a strong reaction. That's what Noah gave Al, and I doubt that Al's crying about it.

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  • Fuck off and die means, approximately, eat shit and bark at the moon. People who get told to do that don't think that these are literal instructions that they're meant to follow. They don't say, "Oh, you're a horrible person for telling me to eat shit, which would then make me sick!" They understand it to be a figure of speech.

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  • Which reminds me. Texan started his contributions to this thread by wondering why people couldn't remind themselves that words would never hurt them. Now we're trying to ease his delicate mind around a phrase -- one, like all phrases, made up of words. This is just too silly.

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  • If someone actually thought that Noah made a death threat to someone here - "Why make death threats Noah?" - could it be said that there was any hope for such a person on this earth?

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  • C.T., even though we often disagree, I've always appreciated your more calm and reasoned approach to debate. However, your attempt to misrepresent my original comment is beneath you. Why are you defending Fuck off and die as reasonable non-violent, non-hateful speech? Furthermore, how do you rationalize pulling an article that does not violate any current "editorial guidelines" as anything but censorship? Why aren't you equally upset by Noah's bigoted article about "whiteness", that also relies on weak social science and stereotypes?

  • I don't see what I got wrong. Your beginning comment: "Whatever happened to the adage I grew up with, 'sticks and stones can break your bones but words (names) will never hurt me'? If you don’t like what your reading, stop reading."

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  • Maybe "fuck off and die" is that one special exception to "sticks and stones will never hurt me"?

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  • As they say, there's exceptions to every rule.

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  • If it was censorship to deny someone a platform, then every time I got a pitch rejected I'd be censored. Russ censors me all the time! Oh nos! Texan, quick, 30 irate comments about how Russ is censoring me, stat!

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  • Noah, are you really so obtuse that you don't understand the difference between "rejecting a pitch" and pulling an article because it hurt your feelings? Typical of you to intentionally misinterpret my comments so you can make a non-relevant point. P.S. I hope you and your fellow whiners realize that you made this article one of the most highly commented articles on this site and perhaps one of the most read. Way to promote your agenda.

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  • I doubt it's one of the most read. People comment because they think it's important to register disapproval. You comment because...you devote your life to commenting on splice today articles to fill the void inside you? I'm spitballing here.// Russ rejects some articles because he feels they don't meet the sites standards. Unless you think Russ is an infallible god, it's possible he sometimes makes mistakes. People saying they believe he made a mistake, and should rectify it, is not censorship. Though I'm sure you'll comment to say it is/to fill the void inside you/for whatever reason you bless us with your utterances.

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  • Noah - Do not express your opinion on views you find repugnant because if you do it will make other people read what you're criticizing, which will make it highly commented on and one of the most read, meaning that you are actually promoting racism by calling it out. Also, please stop issuing death threats to other writers, especially Alan, who is armed and dangerous. You could get shot.

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  • I know we argue a lot, but I certainly don't wish death upon you.

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  • "Whiners." Oh Texan. Well, sticks and stones.

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