To provoke, irritate, delight and confuse readers who are bored or dissatisfied with current online journalism.
Because we don't assume our readers are brain-dead morons. Most of Splice Today's writers were born after the death of Bob Marley, have hazy recollections of the Berlin Wall falling, and never use the work "snark" in a sentence.
Because no one wants to see another clip of Led Zeppelin croaking "Stairway to Heaven" or Tom Cruise explaining the miracle of Scientology.
Anyone who can string more than two consecutive sentences together in a coherent fashion. We don't care if a contributor is 14 or 21 or 81. We don't care if a writer never finished high school. The only qualification for a Splice Today contributor is if he or she can provide material that's unique, iconoclastic, bitter, stimulating and well-written.
Sitting on your hands doesn't help. Send all material to Splice Today, 2639 N. Charles St. Baltimore, MD 21218.