Jan 22, 2014, 11:19AM

NFL Team Name Revisions

Just a few humble suggestions.

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As the Super Bowl rapidly approaches, we here at Human Host must admit that we are die-hard fans of that good ol' gridiron spectacle known as American football. The fanfare, the wild drunken crowds, the sexy cheerleaders, we can't get enough!

Despite our love for the game, we feel that football team names just don't properly reflect the culture or the hopes and dreams of this country and its athletes; so, with a more critical eye turned towards the NFL, we've submitted a few proposals for new team names that will make football a thousand times more respectable than it is now:

Los Angeles Wolf Punchers

Pittsburgh Pork Destroyers

Phoenix Freedom Tunnel

New England Laser Donkeys

Philadelphia Fungi

Seattle Sex Chariots

Baltimore Barf Monsters

Washington Pizza Warriors

San Antonio Psychotic Blobs

Portland Gulf Monkeys

San Francisco Cheese Swords

Chicago Shrug-a-Hawks

Oklahoma City Old Dudes

Albuquerque Rainbow Toilets

St. Louis Fighting Sponges

Milwaukee Erotics

Green Bay Grandma Stompers

Minnesota Cave of Strippers

Detroit Dandrift Destroyers

Cleveland Cracklin' Oats

Atlanta Vengeance Burger

Orlando Death Flowers

Miami Dungeon Jerks

Indiana Anti-Racist Chainsaws

New Orleans Slime Quake

Houston Orgy

New Jersey Snake Eating Mountains

  • Baltimore Barf Monsters is a great name for a fight club...Seattle Sex Chariots is too good, almost unfair, for a team of any kind. Sport ball or no balls.

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