Mar 23, 2018, 05:56AM

Troll Lives Matter

Getting kicked off Facebook.

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I got suspended from posting for 30 days on Facebook last week. The message I received accused me of “inciting hatred” by posting a picture of Hitler’s face superimposed upon a marijuana leaf, a joke related to the fact that his birthday falls on 4/20. There’s no way to ask, no appealing this decision, but I’d love to know just which group I’m accused of attacking. Nazis? Potheads?

The absurdity of this century is astounding. Kafka would love it. A Scotsman with a twisted sense of humor is looking at jail time for teaching his girlfriend’s dog to give the Nazi salute and posting a video of it to YouTube. Apparently mocking the Nazis is illegal. I guess I’ll never be allowed back on Facebook, because I’ve posted dozens of spoof pictures of Hitler over the years: Hitler wearing large rabbit ears, in an Elvis jumpsuit, Emo Hitler, Adolf Hipster, transgendered Hitler, and more. Just Google “lol hitler” and hit “images.” There’s a huge collection of hilarious spoofs there.

He’s an easy target. With his amphetamine-fueled histrionics and total lack of a sense of humor, he’s the political version of Charles Manson or maybe Joe Cocker. His oratory style was spectacular live, good on the radio, but he would’ve died on television. Television favors cool personalities, not hot ones. Ronald Reagan is a fine example. He was practically comatose by comparison, and a superlative orator.

I’m thinking of shifting over to Stalin if Facebook ever lets me back in. It might be safe to mock Joltin’ Joe. Of course, given present circumstances, there might not even be a Facebook to return to. Their stock is tanking, advertisers are leaving in droves, and government officials both here and abroad are swarming all over Mark Zuckerberg in an effort to look like they give a shit about privacy. The brat isn’t used to criticism, he’s been told he was the Golden Boy all his life. He’s no genius. He was just smart enough to know what to steal. Various intelligence agencies pumped Silicon Valley full of cash. Data harvesting is where it’s at these days.

I don’t give two hoots about privacy. I’m a flagrant exhibitionist. My life is a performance. Back in the days of protesting the Vietnam War, we knew we were under FBI surveillance. The attitude then was, “Put on a good show!”  I’m not plotting anything nefarious. My sex life is kinky as all hell, I use a lot of pot, I’m an unrepentant drunkard, a heavy smoker, and my politics are non-Euclidean and non-violent. Aside from the pot, I’m a law-abiding citizen. I support the police when they behave professionally, as they do in the community in which I reside. I tend to dislike humans in groups, but take individuals on a case-by-case basis. I’m a recluse.

I revel in mocking accusations that my whiteness constitutes a crime. I intend to continue to troll the anencephalic gender- and race-obsessed faux Left until they rally around the two issues that really matter: shit wages, and the endless fucking ever-expanding war. I want a full-blown SS officer’s uniform in optical white, with the swastikas replaced by smiley-faces and “Have A Nice Day” on the sleeve cuffs. I’d love to start a chain of businesses catering to cigarette smokers, beginning with an airline. I hate California and everything it represents.

As John Malkovich says in the 2001 film Knockaround Guys, “It used to be that there was a way to do business, and business got done. Now it’s all about everybody’s fucking feelings.” Hurting those feelings is fun. Self-righteous sanctimonious judgmental assholery shouldn’t be tolerated, no matter who it comes from. When they go low, I go lower. We’re being ramrodded into a false choice between right-wing totalitarianism and left-wing totalitarianism. I’m not buying into any of it.

Being born white and male doesn’t make me a Nazi, but if you say so, I won’t argue the point. Quite the opposite, in fact. As the Jefferson Airplane once sang, “We are forces of chaos and anarchy, everything you say we are, we are, and we are very proud of ourselves.” I’ll mock the Fuhrer if I want to. The only sacred thing is life itself, and between the abortion industry and the war, it’s obvious that this country, right and left, has no respect for it whatsoever.

Troll Lives Matter.  

  • Alan, I really loved this piece. I agree with you, and I've been thinking about similar things. I really don't understand what is happening in this country, why freedom to speak is not only under threat, but we have been taught and forced to self censor. I wrote about that in my latest piece for ST...it shouldn't matter whom we offend. We must have the freedom to do so. Anyway, keep writing!

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