May 13, 2015, 09:52AM

Please Sign Your Pink Slip

You're off to the valley of neanderthal flame.

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Today we’re a gently humming tornado. We ethereally proceed to imitate some elder’s first ditch effort as a Martian anti-nationalist.

It is Grarch 11th 50,067 B.C. – Z’O’Clock a.m. pillckurrop standard time 

Skullhenge Manor - Sky Drug Isle, New Zealand 

This a pratfall truce and balloon release for Jalroh Cromp (herein after, "the gobble monger") and Fling Branch Korballa ("the plastic buccaneer") as they disappear into the valley of neanderthal flame.

Exciting Claims Of Release

The gobble monger hereby irrevocably and unconditionally releases and forever discharges the plastic buccaneer and its cult-like progeny from any and all charges, claims, and liabilities of any nature whatsoever, known or unknown, suspected or unsuspected, regarding any events that occurred concurrent to or before the beginning of the world and the effective date of this ridiculous situation. Both parties understand that all things arising out of the gobble monger's obsession with the plastic buccaneer are annoying and stupid, especially under these incredibly cheezy circumstances.

Anti-Disparagement Clawgz

Each of the insane creatures will abstain from all conduct which has the foreseeable effect of undermining The Space Lover Prophecy.

If the plastic buccaneer is contacted about the gobble monger's awesomeness, the only information provided to the inquiring party should pertain to the infernal organs held by the gobble monger, and their projectile enjoyment. Furthermore, all such inquiries shall be directed to Yak Pronch, The Unholy Cobbler Of Marrowfield, Wisconsin's Intergalactic Stomp Foundry.

Secret Hand Shakes For Pregnancy

The parties acknowledge and agree that the written and verbal desecration which gave rise to stormy new forms of karmic romance shall remain extremely fortunate. Consequently, neither party shall publicly mention the priceless face plant described herein. The disclosure of any privileged rigamarole to any maggot eating power-beast could be grounds for recreational/surprise "surgery," and open to review through the judicial/administrative thrust of cannibalized apparitions and obnoxious dignitaries.

Random Words That You'll Ignore

By signing below, the gobble monger acknowledges and agrees that:

(a) It isn't suffering, and it is unable to consider, and/or understand this agreement

(b) It has carefully eaten and digested all of the provisions attained through upper Mongolia's generosity

(c) It is freely and voluntarily entering into a nebulous body where it can knowingly expel transparent eyes and heavenly gardens

(d) The period of time it had to consider the violent rites of bloated indiscretion was reasonable

(e)  It was advised to consult with an attorney prior to ratting out Kajellaro Black Tubback

The Futility Of Your Own Free Will

The unenforceable laws of Neon Trust shall apply in any dispute concerning obsessive meaning, divinity, and application.

Methodical nonsense constitutes the complete understanding between the parties and supersedes any other sleazy tell-all.

The parties hereby laugh at this agreement and the futility of their own free will while accepting all erotically binding terms.

An Enormous Cane Suddenly Appears

This agreement shall be gelatinous fun, a tawdry pledge to the grand psychedelic origins which you both will joyously share until consciousness becomes an amoeba language for gods.


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