Dec 20, 2016, 10:12AM

Are You Ready For Christmas?

Signs of the season. 

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Envying others’ Christmas decorations but never getting around to buying your own.

Because this holiday season is as good as over already, anyway.

Watching A Charlie Brown Christmas.

Maybe, this year.

Egg Nog overdosing on the regular.

Inevitable, totally.

Burning out on yuletide staples like “Merry Christmas, Darling” and “Jingle Bells” and “Blue Christmas” by, roughly, December 1st.

It happens. Then you don’t listen to anything for fun other than grimy, smeared electronic noise (https://khate.bandcamp.com/album/the-sun-is-dark-but-the-moon-is-bright) until the ball drops.

Half-heartedly wrapping gifts last-minute.

What’s the point? They’ll be ripped open and forgotten soon enough.

Orange Juice.

You should be drinking tons of orange juice, unless you’ve made your peace, settled your affairs, and are outright cool with dying.

Not receiving a “Ray and Jesus are celebrating eight years of friendship” Facebook notification yet again because, for Christ’s sake, Christ sacrificed himself for mankind and healed lepers but dude never got around to accepting my goddamn friend request.

Sad, but true.

Last year’s greeting cards still pinned to doorframes even as this year’s models arrive but not extracting the new cards from their envelopes.

The indoor equivalent of not bothering to ever take down Christmas lights from five years back, because who even cares?

Skipping a flu shot for the eighth week in a row.

Because you’ll get it eventually, right?


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