1. Every time a stranger (almost always a white person) comes up to me and touches my hair without asking, usually prefaced with something like, “Oh my God! I love your hair!” Fab, but don’t touch me! It would be like if I told some guy he was really hot and then took his dick out. Frequency: once a week.
2. When I walk into a university building (where I’m a student or a faculty member) and am asked out of nowhere to show proof that I belong there, like the time I was picking up a package delivered to me at my campus and the security guard didn’t believe I was a faculty member. Frequency: once/twice a month.
3. When a gay guy (almost always white) tells me he “loves black guys/black cock” like it’s supposed to turn me on, like I’m supposed to drop my sequins immediately and do whatever he says. You are a chop! Also, my white queens, I’m not sure people of color say this to each other. Cocks are amazing but I’ve never told someone, “I love Latino cock/white cock/black cock/[insert race] cock.” Frequency: once a week.
4. When people who are white and/or straight—really anyone who is not a queer or trans person of color—says to give Trump a chance. I’m also looking at you, Dave Chappelle. Sure, I’d give Trump a chance if he wasn’t appointing white nationalists, stroking the KKK and xenophobes, and launching an anti-LGBTQ platform. Let’s be clear: Trump’s name will be at the top of the American corporation, but Mike Pence will really be running the country. And that’s very scary. Frequency: every day.
5. If you bring up a racist incident or microaggression and someone says, “The world is more than black and white.” That person is probably white and doesn’t have to deal with racist microaggressions. Frequency: weekly.
6. Every time I’m at the club dancing, living my full fantasy, and someone comes up to me to ask if I have drugs/if I know where they can get drugs/if I’m selling any drugs. A real person really told me once that his friend said that “black guys with dreadlocks” are the people to approach for drugs. Silver lining, though. One time I went to a party and the bouncer asked if I had any drugs on me (he didn’t search me at all). When I said no he was like, “Why not?” That was pretty funny. Frequency: monthly.
7. All people who list racist/size-based preferences in their dating profiles. What kind of asshole takes the time to type out the words “not into Asian guys”? Frequency: too much.
8. When I’m asked where I’m “really from?” Frequency: monthly.
9. When I look at DJ lineups for parties and there are no women or people of color on the bill. All DJs are white men? Really? I’m at the point now where I don’t always feel like supporting parties that don’t book women or people of color. Frequency: every weekend.
10. “You don’t seem like other black people I know.” FACEPALM. Frequency: 10,000 times in my life.
11. All the people who shout "Jamaica!" at me. My dad was from there, but still. Frequency: weekly.
12. “You only got [insert role/position/school/job/performance] because you’re black.” Frequency: 10,000 times in my life.
13. Seeing gay magazines and media without people of color. Frequency: daily.
14. I LOOK NOTHING LIKE MARIO BALOTELLI! Frequency: not so much anymore with my new hairstyle.
15. If I’m with a white friend or boyfriend and the waiter/waitress gives the check to him even though I asked for it. Frequency: 10,000 times in my life.
16. Every time someone comments on an article/YouTube video about racism/gay people/Trump/BlackLivesMatter/police brutality. Frequency: daily.
17. When white people try to explain racism to me. Really? Is that what we’re doing now? Or when I try to point out examples of white supremacy and get shut down. Or when anyone says, “You’re being too sensitive.” Frequency: daily.
18. Anyone who’s written an article praising Trump, celebrating why they voted for him. It actually feels like a punch in the stomach. Frequency: daily.
19. All those times when I went out to a bar with my ex (white) and guys still hit on him while I was sitting right there, like I didn’t even exist! I know that people get hit on everywhere, but I can’t help but feel like when one of us is black and the other white, and knowing how whiteness is valued by some in the gay male world (and by nearly all of its media), it feels like a punch in the stomach. Frequency: too much.
20. Having to scroll past the masc-for-masc only gays. Being told “Sorry, only into masculine guys”—which, whatever, but still. I don’t think I’ve ever denied someone for being “too masculine” or “too feminine.” I think femme guys are hot! Frequency: daily.
21. Just yesterday when a white lady “called” the police on me (or mimed calling them) while I was waiting at the bus stop. “Go back to Africa!” she screamed, as I was minding my own business, listening to Beyoncé. “What’s happening here (in post-Brexit England) is all because of you!” Frequency: once.
I’m a real person and these are real things that happen to me on a regular basis. I made this list of microaggressions so people can understand that just because these things may not happen to you, that doesn’t mean it isn’t relevant. The world really is black and white, and I’m not just talking about skin color.
—Follow Madison Moore on Twitter: @pomomad