Politics & Media
Nov 19, 2013, 10:16AM

Human Host's Guide to the 2013 Elections

Supporting third party candidates across the U.S.

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We, the members of Human Host, feel it's our solemn duty not only to entertain the masses, but also to offer the public sound advice about the important political elections that are shaping our country's future. In particular, we want America to know that every vote counts, especially if you're voting for fake write-in candidates.

Here are a few bogus names that we supported in this year's elections. These non-existent patriots are committed civil servants who will always keep their promises and never abuse their power:

Super Earth Booby: for Bakersfield, California City Council (Ward 6).

A Bust Of Yul Brenner Made Out Of Macaroni: for representative of Missouri's 8th Congressional district.

Randy Sausage: for Alderman of Ocean Springs, Mississippi (Ward 2).

Lunnky Chawmp: for Red Wing, Minnesota City Council.

Fat Tanya's Half Eaten Choco-chunk: for Sheriff of Fort Bend, Texas.

Thunder Condom for Idaho secretary of state.

Big Fat Krunch Plang: for superintendent of public instruction of Union City, NJ.

Bonkers: for Judge of the 2nd district municipal court of Bronx, NY.

Ethyl The Fire Breathing Donkey: for representative of South Carolina's 1st congressional district.

Biscuit Monster: for Chatham, North Carolina commissioner of agriculture.

Porky Cheese Blaster: for representative of Illinois’' 2nd Congressional district.

Jork Ooble-wahwahwahwahwahwahwah: for city auditor of Tulsa, Oklahoma.

Throbbing Jo Jo: for clerk of the district court of Big Horn, Montana.

Winky The Barbarian: for public regulation commissioner of Taos, New Mexico.


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