Jun 17, 2021, 06:28AM

Ten More Obnoxious Facebook Friends

Things certainly haven't gotten better on there.

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Years ago, through this site, I published a series of “types of Facebook friends" posts. And now—older, wiser, and infinitely more cynical—I’m back at it. For reference, see also 311812, 11, and 9.

The Live, Laugh, Lover. You have—once, a few times, or frequently—invoked “Live, Laugh, Love” on your wall without irony.

The Animated GIF Fiend. Regardless of whether serious or amused input is called for, she can’t be bothered to react with actual sentences. It’s animated GIFs or nothing!

The Artist. You’re a visual artist, frequently creating canvases that you share photos of.

The Vin Diesel. Family! Family all the time and twice on Sundays. Family, family, family only—fresh snaps of family, reshares of old snaps of family, historical black and white snaps of family, shout outs to family. All family everything, all day, every day!

The Interloper. Your awesome new friend suddenly and stealthily makes friends with all your existing friends and is maybe better friends with those friends than you are. This is usually innocent.

The Joker. He doesn’t know the people. He doesn’t get the context. But, damn it, he’s going to comment hop and force-feed unfunny jokes anyway because he doesn’t want to feel left out, or he wants to start a fight. Not quite a troll.

The Blessed. Life’s been good to you. Life’s been good to your family. It’s all good. And it’s all good because you’re blessed—or, sorry, #blessed.

The Leap-Frogger. You’ve commented on a friend’s post. Now a random person comments on your comment, in response to the original post, tagging the original poster. Original poster and rando poster proceed to have a separate conversation on your comment that has nothing to do with what you remarked while ignoring the entirety of your addenda. It’s like you don’t even exist.

The Accidental Co-Opter. A relative who stealthily and unthinkingly takes on your friends as their own, and possibly becomes better friends with them than you ever were. This is usually innocent, but maybe a little uncomfortable if you’re inclined to keep your friends and family separate. (See “The Interloper” above).

The Surreal Selfie Enthusiast. Wouldn’t it be cool to warp, accessorize, and otherwise distort selfies of yourself for others’ amusement and pleasure? You sure think so.


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