Mar 29, 2022, 06:29AM

Hymn to Normality

Commonly attributed to Taedium Maximus (translated here by the author).

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Oh Normality! 

Average Goddess for The Average Man!

We stand

Neither to the left nor to the right

But firmly in the middle of the road

And lift our dull voices 

In self-satisfied consensus,

To sing a song of thanks!


You confound the proud and confuse the thoughtful

They trip and stumble before your outstretched foot!

Thou hast laid low the haughty

Reduced the proud

Silenced the debate

And rebuked the arrogant!

To us, your unquestioning faithful

You give the needed balance 

To sit securely on the fence

Of untutored mediocrity 

And stare into the cloudy mirror of self-reflecting certainty!

Thou hast brought us recognized standards

Thou hast revealed the cautious path 

Thou hast freed us from the complexities of conscious existence.


We thank thee for our self-righteousness

And for all our easy answers 

We thank thee for the cowardice of our conformity 

And for our half-baked opinions 

Composed of easy-to-remember buzz-words

And the stock phrases we call arguments;

We thank thee for our lack of critical faculty,

Our half-baked judgments,

And for our unquestioned obedience

To authority in all its forms;

We thank thee for the security of our cages

And the safety they have brought.


We thank thee for the wisdom of your ever-babbling Oracle:

Mainstream Media!

We thank thee for your purchased experts

Who, singing in peer-reviewed chorus

Free us from the necessity to think

Allowing us to feel good about ourselves

And not see the walls of ignorance

Which have risen and surround us.


Upon our bended supplicant knees 

With our unified wagging tongues 

And our averted eyes

Oh Goddess!

We amplify thee

And give thee thanks:

Greatly pleased in the unending echoes 

Of our own unquestioned voices.


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