Dec 01, 2016, 09:25AM

A Human Host License

Your terms and conditions.

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The official document here has been created to certify that you are entitled to emanate and ripple, echo and abound, coast and slide long after the memory of your existence becomes a vague element.

It is only then that you shall remain in your natural state, you being a duly qualified beacon creature having undergone a thorough examination performed by The Ancient, Reckless, Independent Order of Invisible Mountaineers (ARIOIM).

This ARIOIM-approved license has been issued by The Secretary of Misinformation, someone who is pretending to be a member of The Society For the Preservation of Exciting Blends (Darien, Connecticut, USA).

Should the holder be unable to prove their physical well being and mental instability upon a required set of subsequent surprise examinations, this license shall be revoked.

Furthermore, if the holder shall ever honestly express his, her, its, or their feelings to another human being the holder shall be subject to a criminal trial before The Supreme Council of Transparent Liars to be held secretly within revolving lava chambers that shall be specially designed by a veteran exagerrator who has nothing better to do.

Should the holder choose to relinquish all rights related to possesing the license any attempt to do so will fall on deaf ears across the board.

When you accept the status guaranteed by this license you shall be bound to uphold its inevident truths and all of their related/non-existent parameters.

Furthermore, said status is not synonymous with immortality (or mortality), but it will stand as a sketchy emblem of your dream-powered relentlessness whether in the form of an ever changing non-material artifact, or as a physical part of the multiversal enviroments presently, formerly, or soon-to-be simultaneous (i.e., situations that reveal the combination of a dog and a cat, an egg that speaks for the oracle, the life and wild times of a seahorse, etc.).

Forgery of this license is completely legal and encouraged.

Consequently, the official capacity to grant rights for a license such as this to any random unsuspecting schmuck walkin' around out there should also be an easy operation that requires no form of permission from the proper authorities, dream slaves, or middle management flunkies.

If you choose to create hand written copies of this license without assistance from machines, telepathy, an illusionist, or hints of any kind you could be rewarded generously should the improper authorities recognize your efforts by mistake.


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