Jul 13, 2017, 06:05AM

The Actual Facts

More people have killed themselves by self-denial.

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This just in: a new study claims
that more people have killed themselves
by self-denial
than ever died of excess.

And while it's true the AMA, the Government,
not to mention the Insurance Guys,
have argued otherwise,
it seems their actuaries
are actually

They fail to count
the tens of millions
of suicides by self-denial
who don't yet know they're dead,
who still walk the earth
vaccined, of course, against its charms
and who, compactually,
must make life dismaller
for you and me.


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