Oct 24, 2015, 09:17AM

Recent Offers From the Human Host Travel Agency

Don't miss Fake Europe!

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Since 1409, Human Host has joyfully specialized in putting together vacations and package tours for every kind of traveler—whether it be a sacrificial pilgrimage, an "aliens only" experiment in loss, an umbilical cruise, a dysfunctional family vacation with the maggots, or a "dig deep into the core of non-existence and do everything" health spin.

The HH Travel Agency is actually located in the brightest, most remote corners of your memory, so we're uncommonly qualified to help you pick out the best real/imaginary leisure destinations, including beach temples, natural occurring cocaine mounds, and tribal nuke pits. We can also accidentally arrange for your transcendence and a sight seeing tour, or almost anything else that can help your hedonistic slobber visions overwhelm the best vacation ever.  

An HH travel specialty has been our impenetrable mutations of pleasure and pain—sparkle among diamond-studded cattle and bubbling minefields at high noon, while away the hours listening to the guilded source fiend's final breath, fall asleep to the roar of progressive chaos engulfed by a jungle flare's insatiable possibility.  

The bottom line: Human Host offers an infinite myriad of rampaging travel plans. Here are some of the most popular vacation hot spots which we've kept spellbound and pregnant especially for the world's careless adventurers (Hey! That's you, oh great consumer!)

The Living Larkronn Isles

More than just shredded life chunks, The Living Larkronn Isles pulsate with the fire dances and howling seclusion of a damaged culture. There the warmth of the imperialist ember is mythic and persuasive. And with a ceremony for every occasion—from dramatic hypnosis to sound-bending languidity—these islands teem with the festive spasms and ramifications of a lava rebirth that shatters.

The Center of Heck and a Psychedelic Parking Lot

Hungering for an escape from the rat race, but worried about outrageous travel costs?  If so, an all-inclusive, luxury trip to The Center of Heck or some permanently reserved all-inclusive space in a Psychedelic Parking Lot is just right for you! Both of these destinations include a personal fork beast from Switzerland, Chive Monger's "Filet-O-Judas," nebulous blinkers, and a brand new anti-fascist trident. All-inclusive getaways are a great way to save money without all of the obtuse wreckage normally associated with vacationing in places dominated by mind-altering blacktop and pediatric Zatanizm. These getaways are also a wonderful choice for young lovers, as both locations boast many fabulous college themed power tunnels!

Yargopia, Norkersburg, & Tuskus-Bomba

YN&T, our most popular combo for Fake Europe! Visit Yargopia ("The City of Skulls": fruitless hardship and betrayal are etched upon its famous petrified eagle-flesh battle facade); Norkersburg (city of chants, curses, strippers, parks, fried chicken, and fluffle-berry wine with ancient cobblestone streets and a campy glow palace), and Tuskus-Bomba (a former cosmic altar for Venusian giants built upon hills, buttes, bluffs, and canyons in the fashion of Bango Bosley's Pagan Loser Fest.)

YN&T’s haphazard itinerary includes materialization into Yargopia and out of Tuskus Bomba, vertigo for three nights in Norkersburg, fresh continental pungence (only for supreme beings or spent gremlins), and a salvaged pile of wheel-free carriages driven by obsessive/competitive professionals who will pretend to take you anywhere.


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