Sep 04, 2014, 11:07AM

Need a Date? Check Out These Human Host Personal Ads

Eat a circular reality.

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Are you looking to spice up your life with something hot’n’steamy? Maybe something sizzlin’ and tantalizin’? How bout a lil’ somethin’ sweet and seductive? Then cast your lovelorn gaze onto the irresistible hotties of the world’s most eligible multi-media love collective: the vivacious, voluptuous Human Host.

Ripped straight out of their ultra-personal private affects, below we’ve included 100% genuine Human Host dating profiles. All content here comes from the individual Human Host member profiles that are sponsored by some of today’s most popular dating services (e.g. Alright Cupid, Husk, The Blood Cult Of Eros, I’ll Deal With It Cupid, Ember, Plastic Validation, and I Guess That’s Good Enough, Cupid.)

Never before has there been such an intense examination of Human Host’s personal life. Never before has this group worn their emotions on their sleeves with such conviction. Never before has anyone been able to eat a circular reality, until now.

Some of the names here may be unrecognizable to you, but it’s important to remember that Human Host has thousands of members based all across the globe who come from all walks of life, so it’s pretty easy to end up losing track of one member or maybe a few hundred of them.

While we can’t promise you that you’ll fall in love with these cutie pies, Human Host’s dating profiles will prove that romance is anything but dead, especially when something melts faraway into a projection at the feel-center of Lake Fake Sunrise.

Puzzles Momentum

Gender: Boggatrong.

Interests: Geeby ronkas, no strings attached/just for fun.

Turn-ons:  Moss hair, broken plates, dancing, orby kronting on horseback, eggs.

Turn-offs: Crunch riders, baked tire, cows made of gelatin.

“I’m just a regular sort of entity, nothin fancy ‘bout me, just a floating sign for the explosive charity that sculpts fate… I mean, you know, I’m a surfboard, I’m a sitar, I’m a pile of melting cymbals, I’m momma’s reverie, I’m the comfortable silence, jooba jooba jooba jooba kadoo.”

Trelldge Freedom Jungle

Gender: Octary (female/space force/cider illusion/larclo/grod/infinity/chorg/cloud wheel).

Interests: The ultra-cosmosis of a glass half full.

Turn-ons: Ghost bull, ibby, coffee shops, the map of age, rampaging countless-ness.

Turn-offs: rorgaborgadorg, mummy gaffs, the sound of uranium.

“What I look for in a mate is simple: combustibility, flexible hours, window levitation, and that elusive yet rambling inconsistency.”


Gender: You

Interests: Psychic inundations—those drenched in the glow of an embryonic galaxy; dusty sub-consciousness, cat dreamers, sentient glaze.

Turn-ons: Lost keys, telepathic leisure, lobster rolls, v-neck sweaters, the mark of a demon.

Turn-offs: Law drugs, games, follow-downs, toggarr vrahnt, obsessive twiddling, gravity.

“Your world and mine are disappearance, disappearance at the heart of all that is nameless. At the altar is a burning star. Below that is a nebulous carpet. Charred Reegy & The Glim-Tones chant for oblivion’s charade. Fans line up all around the non-existent block for as far as the eye can see. You’re a sweety when you can feel their energy: our amoeba-form’s translucent quake maker.”


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