Dec 10, 2019, 05:55AM

I Survived Me

There’s only us to blame.

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There’s no them or us down here in the trenches, and forget about the perceived squares living straight-laced, tight-lipped personas non-gratis. The usual characters of good and evildoers. The poor vastly outnumber the rich. No safety net. Connecting dots across the field of vision. Follow some path of least resistance to confront a wall, door or window. Fall through the cracks in the story.

A prison cell inside your eggshell skull. All fenced in by the hellish limitations of us. Political affiliations, religious beliefs, professional as opposed to amateur competitions, playing the favorites. All be damned, God vs. the devil… only us against the world. From the cookie-cutter suit and tongue-tied flag lapel pin to the t-shirt blue jeans leather jacket crowd. From high finance to hipsters down to the holier-than-thou chosen few of the cloth. Painted into corners climbing inside walls of you and me.

Living the easy life down at the general store of discount dreams. It’s all dollars and donuts. To the holy life of Jesus, mom and a tiny sliver of apple pie slowly fermenting in a stewed world of conformity. Where honesty is the best policy but lies are cheaper by the gross national product.  Easier than adding up complex equations. It’s all numbers and letters. There's a simplicity in the basic need to belong. To imitate life as we believe it. Acting the part like everybody.

The seal of approval stamped on the assembly line. Pigeon-holed and stuffed into readymade boxes. Judged by a jury of ludicrous hypocrites. Truth and justice inevitably leads nowhere but always ends up someplace else. Right back here where we belong. The starting line of a human race that ends with a whimper and some schemes of lesser evils. The vain impossibility of those people stuck over there. Outside a circle of imagined time, lived in a vacuum. Sucked through a personal hell to find myself here again. Back where it all began. To start it all over again.

So much for divine intervention, desire, envy and wanton coveting of the neighbors’ stuff. You know those guys on the other side gazing over the invisible fence. Looking longingly at your junk. Sabotage the days waiting for loving acceptance. Hope for fresh miracles in future’s fortune cookie. Stale wishes for happiness, successfully blow out all the candles. Another year’s dark course ahead. Right on track riding a crazy locomotion filled with half-assed assumptions of insane sameness.

The five-star approval rated top choice grade A number ones voted best by a group of nincompoops. Judges of poor taste sitting on a blind taste test panel sampling the same old tired shit. This may explain the blindfold of justice. A sum total of fear and guilt that never adds up. A staggering quota of sweet nothings and the bitter overwhelming stench of useless success in a broken restroom. We once kept time in our pockets attached with a gold chain. Later we wore time on our wrists so we’d never forget it exists. Today we embed time in our heads projected out into a timeless void.

Some say there’s no time like right now to take stock of what time’s left. That’s why I’m always dressed up in this skin with nowhere to go. I share in the rich pageantry of a world gone mad. Insane with the desire of wealth and power. Kicking people around like pawns on a battlefield. There are no winners, only takers. Those who invent history.

After all, it’s about me. Without me there would be no you. We cancel each other out. There’s only us to blame. No accounting for bad taste. Without you there’s no us in them left. Together we make me. In all the confusion of who I think I am during uncertain moments in a time that’s past has yet to be proven. Show your face and become the person you believe to be. How can I disprove my presence?

Allow me to present to you, myself in the image of our being. Let me introduce myself to us. Show yourselves, all the you and me’s too.

It’s easy to forget who we are. I can’t remember where I was when it happened. For a brief moment I lost myself in my dream of you. Do you think of me as I examine this image of you? It’s all about us in the grand scheme of everybody else. If we share this thought it greatly increases our chances. So easy to remember your smile. The way your eyes sparkle innocence. That evil grin. A maniacal laugh. The idea of you and me. Like looking into a mirror on the wall hanging next to a crooked painting, a crude rendition that looks exactly like us.


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