Pop Culture
Jun 09, 2010, 09:49AM

Perez Hilton and my continual obsession with celebrity gossip

Like a fiery car wreck, I just can't help but look.

My obsession with the decline of U.S. news is one of the worst addictions I’ve ever had. Worse than peppermint patties, crab chips and even barley and hops. My sickest obsession is with celebrity gossip, especially that ridiculous asshole Perez Hilton. Celebrity news invades all major news outlets today; the most unimportant garbage ever has risen to the ranks of legitimate news because of me (and millions of other dolts).

No matter how hard I try to avoid him, I navigate to Perez several times a day for morsels of celebrity pain, joy, outfits and scandal. I hate myself every time I hit the “P” on the keyboard and perezhilton.com pops up automatically. I trudge on ignoring the feeling of shame as if I’m looking at the dirtiest porn site ever with my mom in the next room.

The weird thing is, the more Perez pisses me off with his ass-clown remarks, the more I look. He’s easily one of the most self-indulgent and hypocritical human beings I’ve come across. One day “Brit Brit” is fat and skanky and the next she’s “hawt.” It’s ridiculous for someone who champions gay rights to constantly try and “out” people. Need we remind him, not too long ago, he was a fat slob of a queen prancing around in pink spandex looking like a pile of sausages having sex with a bowl of pudding?

I’ve been weaning myself off the celebrity snort, especially Hilton, but the temptation is still great. Yes, while I may remain quiet while people are hating on the gossip, I don’t give a shit who got drunk, smoked a cigarette and pissed their pants, but I still look. It’s an unexplained phenomenon but it really has become such a diversion to the reality in world around us.

Maybe it’s just I’d rather read about someone else’s problems rather than think of my own. The problem with that is, they can shop at Fred Segal, buy $400 bottles of wine and a new entourage in the French Riviera while times are hard. Perez Hilton gets so many hits a day, I’m pretty sure I’ve seen an ad for the Catholic Church on his site. I think Glenn Beck would advertise on it.

Shame on me.


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