"Thankfully, Dr. Michael Salzhauer, a Florida plastic surgeon, (who actually looks like this, but thinks he looks like this) has solved this vexing problem. His new book, My Beautiful Mommy, is aimed at children under the age of eight whose mothers (or any female relatives, really) are going to look drastically different after a couple hours under the knife. In the book, a little girl's mommy gets a tummy tuck, nose job and breast implants and learns that this is not just normal but awesome. Some might argue that indoctrinating a child in this way could be irreparably harmful, forever skewing a girl's image of her body, her gender, and her sexuality, but I see it as a wonderful jumping-off point for a series of children's books that could explain mom's other little foibles.
Here are my pitches (I expected to hear from you, Big Tent Books):
