Nov 28, 2014, 12:06PM

Five Types of First Dates

Looks aren't everything. Except when they are.

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You decide within the first 30 seconds of meeting your date whether or not you want to see them again. You’re listening to their voice, the words they use, the way they talk and you look at what they’re wearing just to decide if you will send them a “had fun” text at the end and it’s still just the first few minutes. The more dates you go on the more you realize that pretty much everyone would love to skip the dating part and fast forward to the “we’re together now” part where it’s fun and exciting and you’re having sex every 20 minutes. But what are we looking for when we go on dates? Sometimes it’s to see what’s out there, other times it’s to be someone’s dream person and then completely drop off the face of the earth, I guess. So with that, here are the five types of first dates everyone goes on.

The In/On/Underneath: Nothing’s better than having your date meet you at the rendezvous point and as soon as they show up you’re like, “Oh yes. I could definitely see myself in/on/underneath them!” It’s not because they are out of this world attractive but more that they have an essence you really respond to, and that essence is part of your sexual chemistry. If you already have one form of chemistry going then you’ll probably also have a sexy, flirtatious conversation, too. First dates are about meeting new people and seeing what’s best for you, sure, but they are also about you sizing them up like “Hmm could I see myself in/on/underneath this human being?”

The Suffer Through: There’s an art to being on a date with someone and keeping the conversation going in a way that doesn’t feel like a job interview. The thing is, if the conversation starts like that it’s probably because there’s nothing “there” between you two—at least not right now. It’s not that the person isn’t interesting but more that one of you has already decided this will be the last time you meet.

The This Person Is Way Too Hot For Me: You’ve decided to meet up with someone from Tinder and when he or she shows up you’re like, “Oh.” As in, this person is way too hot for me. As in, damn. One of my first weekends in London I went on a date with this guy who was so hot he looked like he stepped right out of a fashion editorial. I already knew he was hot based on his pics but when I actually met him I was like Oh fuck lol wow. Since we make judgments about people nearly as soon as we meet them you instantly tell yourself that he or she is way out of your league—too hot, too smart or too rich. But I’ve always felt like the best dates, hook-ups, and relationships are when you both think the other couldn’t possibly be interested. If you’re lucky your date doesn’t know how hot they really are, but if you think they do know: run.

The Perfect On Paper Disappearing Act: I recently went on a date with someone who checked every single box on my list of things I like in dudes, and you know how hard it is to find someone real who can compete with the ideal partner we’ve created for ourselves. We had a great conversation, he was intelligent, cool and we really hit it off. That is, of course, until he completely disappeared off the face of the fucking earth, forcing me into a wine-induced tailspin soundtracked by Christina Aguilera. Maybe he suddenly got back with his ex, or maybe he was not even single, or maybe I did something he didn’t like—who knows. It sucks when you think you have such a connection with someone and you thought they felt it, too, when actually they are like buh bye.

The Grower: Looks aren’t everything. Boobs sag, people gain weight, dicks start getting softer as you age. Placing a premium on looks is never a good way to get into any relationship because there will always be someone hotter. That said, there are those dates where the guy or the girl is cute but maybe not totally your type. Still, they were interesting and you had a cool time so you want to see them again. The more you see them the more attractive they get to you, and that’s because you’re seeing them as a whole person. These are the best kinds of dates you can have.

—Follow Madison Moore on Twitter: @popgazm


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