Apr 15, 2009, 06:13AM

Don't Fight Interracial Relationships

The stigma against interracial coupling has got to go, particularly in the gay community.

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The weekend magazine of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch just did a story about the hottest places to make out in St. Louis, where I used to live. All fine and well, but the cover image of the story featured a hot chocolate daddy and his white girlfriend. This simple image released the Rednecks and sparked a wave of online controversy against interracial coupling. “1buschstadiumplz” comments “Haven’t read the story but don’t like to see blacks and whites kissing.”

So sexy.

“John” upped the ante: “I am supposed to accept that some people choose to have interracial relationships. That is fine with me, do what you want. However, I choose to think it is not something I would expose myself to.”


What is wrong with these people? Sheesh! Okay, so it’s Missouri (Missourah if you’re nasty); some kind of racial bigotry is to be fully expected. That’s why I escaped and reinvented myself into East Coast Glitterati/Intelligentsia.

But no matter where you go, Chicago, Los Angeles or even New York, people are still squeamish about interraciality. Especially gay dudes. When I was single and frequenting such highly respected gay dating sites like DList, I can’t tell you the number of profiles that specified, and I repeat, specified, that the dude was only interested in dating other WHITE guys. Their profiles would just bust out, “Sorry, not into Black men. I’m not racist—it’s just a preference.” And others were a dollop more tasteful: “Into All Types of Men—Asian, Latinos, Whites, Arabs, Spanish, Canadian, Hawaiian, Filipino, Indian”—basically, anybody but a brotha.

Can’t a brotha get some love?

I’m not sure that a lot of people know this, but gay men can be among the most “racist” men out there. The funny thing is that the “racist” gays aren’t like KKK dudes; they often just refuse to sleep with anybody who isn’t white. And while that’s more of a private kind of racism based on personal choice, what annoys me about it is that it holds this kind of barrier between white guys and everyone else fully in tact.

Part of this stems from the fact that the majority of gay culture is really, really white. Hot, white Abercrombie jocks are upheld as the standard of beauty par excellence. Don’t believe me? Go to www.seancody.com or www.dudetubeonline.com and see for yourself. Do you see any ethnic men? The basic point is that if U R not white and hot like the Abercrombie/Sean Cody trannies, you sort of don’t exist in the gay world. This is the story of many hot black gays, who lust after hot white guys or others only to get the door slammed in their faces.

I know it’s really complicated, but if you ask me, when a racist gay says NOT INTO BLACKS it means that he’s not attracted to the fictionalized idea of what black dudes are supposed to be like. You know, the stuff we see on Fox News every night: the thugs, the gold teefs, the hip-hops, the saggy pants, etc. These are the stereotypes of black guys that trump whether or not they are educated, rich, etc. So the really scary thing is not just the stereotype, but that people assume that this is what all black men are like. I wonder if the Rednecks in St. Louis were more annoyed by the local stereotype of black men, or is it the literal mixing of races that they find repugnant?

Monoracial dating—that’s what I call it—is totally boring. White on Latino! Black on Asian! Asian on Arab! Let’s mix that shit up. If you ask me, we’re programmed to be attracted to people within our own race. Many of us grew up in monoracial households, so naturally we get used to that rhythm. But it doesn’t have to be that way. People will retort and say stuff like, “Oh, I’m just attracted to blue eyes.” But that’s a standard of beauty that’s forced down our throats via popular culture.

Folks should be able to find qualities they like in other people, regardless of their race. For instance, I am attracted to types of guys more than anything else. Most of the dudes I find attractive look like they will pass out from a drug overdose at any moment. If he’s tall, skinny, tatted, wearing skinny pants or plays in a band, I’m gonna wanna take his cock out, no matter the race.

I’m not trying to invalidate monoracial relationships, cause those can be really fierce, too! I’m just sick of people being “opposed” to interracial dating. Go try some dark meat. You just might like it.

  • you bring up an interesting point Madison - can you call someone racist based on who/what they are physically attracted to? Is physical attraction based on genetics or is it shaped by cultural/societal externalities? I would say both...while I agree it does sound racist and jsut downright rude to say on your profile- in the example you give - "I am not into blacks, whites, indians, (whatever race may be)" I don't know if you could call a person racist for the simple fact that they are attracted or not attracted to a certain physical feature. for instance someone might say i am not into redheads, or i am not into short people, or a i only like dudes with gelled blowwouts and box tans...yeah that sounds in poor taste but can we blame them for what they are attracted to?

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  • 1) It would be interesting to see if St.Louis would have erupted had their been other races involved (Asian on white, etc.) 2) It's important to note that SeanCody is by most measures the most *successful* gay porn site on the web, that's why it's important they only do whites. Other sites like Randy Blue or Corbin Fisher occasionally add other races, but they are professional studios who hire actors with contracts. Sean Cody is more successful because he uses, presumably, untrained cheaper actors. And his site is wildly popular. 3) I'm never one to harp on racism, but there is, plain and simple, overt racism in the gay community. On "30 Rock" Liz Lemon went out of her way to prove she would date a black guy. Most gays have no qualms saying "I'm 'just' not into blacks." My rule: next time you say the word "just," ask yourself "why." If you don't have an answer, then maybe you have some thinking to do. 4) Gays make other racial rules. It isn't uncommon to see not into Asian, Latino, white, etc. A sexual economy as open and explicit of that of gay men encourages these kinds of ridiculous statements few people would say out loud and in public.

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  • amen, i was wondering the same thing. like would it be different if the dude were another race. there are lots of porn sites that only do whites. most of the ethnics i see are on xtube, or macho. i like you're use of "sexual economy" cause its SOOO TRU

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  • very interesting article here. Interracial activity continues to challenge us on the cultural borders we erect. I do have to echo the sentiments above about physical attraction though... In the end I think "mainstream" gay culture is insulated, and not all that invested in diversity. That being said, there is more than one gay community out there. And I would note that what I would call the "black gay community" is also often segregated. Part of this is most definitely in reaction to the historic and systemic racism of the nation, but I think another part of it is an equal disinterest in diversity (albeit an inverse idea of diversity). I have to wonder though, at this juncture, if interracial social always be such a touchstone. Are we moving towards a time when it won't matter. Does Obama's lineage do anything to normalize all of this?

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  • Interesting piece, Madison. I may be wrong, but I think the first interracial kiss on TV was on the original Star Trek between Capt. Kirk and Lt. Uhruh (I know I misspelled that, but you know who I mean.)

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  • Capt. Kirk and Lt. Uhuru did have the first interracial kiss on network TV. The episode was called Plato's Stepchildren and it aired in 1968. But it wasn't really a sustained relationship. It was a SF-induced plot for that episode only. I wonder if they are going to explore some of that in the new Star Trek Movie MAY 8?

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  • Thanks for verifying that, dmcp!

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