Aug 21, 2008, 11:12AM

A Grand Old Party

Thanks to the vodka weakness of one writer, we can confirm that Log Cabin Republicans actually do exist. After spending the night with an older rich man who votes with his pocketbook instead of his personal life, our writer realizes their behavior in the bedroom is just as complicated and confusing as their politics.

Log Cabin Republicans exist. It’s a fact. But you don’t expect to end up going home with one—that is until you’ve had a bit too much to drink. Under normal circumstances (normal includes registered Democrats, natch), exchanging sex for a place to crash wouldn’t be the worst choice; but, as it turns out, Log Cabin Republicans are a strange breed.

I always forget how powerful a well-placed Mame quote can be with rich men twice my age. Nothing impresses them more. A few cocktails and rasped songs later—I come from the Elaine Stritch school of song—and Patrick and his U.S. flag lapel pin took off, leaving Thomas and me to fall into a cab to have dinner near his East Village apartment.

What the whole night hammered home for me wasn’t just that I’m not a little sissy boy, nor am I much into the daddy scene. No, what Thomas’ comments made me realize was the utter reliance I have on my voice. I understand that, being lanky and slouchy, I’m not the butchest ‘mo in town. But I always believed that having a deep voice undercut all of it; that if I could make it as raspy and resonant and dripping with self-awareness as I could, no one could possibly think that I wasn’t conscious of the appearance I presented and make a silent joke out of it. Apparently, however, Daddy Thomas didn’t see it like that. Which means that somewhere out there, a middle-aged Log Cabin Republican is picking up a skinny twentysomething in a bar, and saying, “I was with this guy once, who really got off on being spanked and called ‘Daddy’s sissy boy.’”

Fellow young gay men, I offer my sincere apologies for perpetuating his illusions. But maybe it’s just easier for Log Cabin Republicans to pretend they’re having sex with a little girl than with another man.


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