"I’m waiting outside this professor’s office in Ann Arbor for a meeting I have with said professor. He is late; I know this because, for the first time in history, I have arrived at a meeting on time. It was purely an accident. But his tardiness does not annoy me, because I’m jamming to “Taper Jean Girl” by Kings of Leon. I’m in skinny grey pants ($50), an extra-small white v-neck ($12), a flannel hoodie ($30) and black ankle boots (price unknown).
I decide that I ought to run to the restroom before our seance begins. I’m in the bathroom, and I’m adjusting my clothes and fixing my homohawk. Enter the professor I’m supposed to meet with. He heads, briskly, for the urinal and does his thing. Toilet flush. He walks towards the sink, fixes his hair and goes:
“I’ll see you in a minute.”
Seems normal, don’t it?
EXCEPT THE PROFESSOR DIDN’T WASH HIS HANDS!
The funniest article you've put on splicetoday in two weeks.
I have to completely disagree with Sourpuss...this article was incredibly irritating. OMFG? Who actually writes like that when they aren't chatting online? Though I do have to give the writer credit for bringing attention to an important truth: not washing your hands after taking a piss is incredibly gross.
i don't know what to make of this, but its from Yale ($45,324) so all i know is at Harvard ($45,458) they taught us not to piss on our hands. I would say this article sucks, but thats because I always thought urinating on my hands sterilized them. Thank you Madison Moore!
I looked up her other articles, and I have to say "In which our hero learns to love work" was my favorite. http://www.yaledailynews.com/articles/view/23809 Here's a quote "My bosses would be like, “Madison, you need to wear your headset so your co-workers can communicate with you!” That headset alone is reason enough not to work there. Nobody is going to hit on someone in a fuckin’ headset. So I’d go: “I’m not wearing that shit. It’s ugly and I hate it.” And then they were all, “You’re fired.” And I just laughed and was like, “Toodles!”"
In a world of "two and a half men" and "tyler perry's house of pain" I'm glad someone can bring back some sienfeld-type imagery to my day. Thanks splice and madison, a most enjoyable post.