Nov 06, 2015, 09:53AM

Your Friends and Family Won’t See You When Fallout 4 Is Released

Five easy steps to let them know.

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1. Let them know weeks in advance about your impending absence from their lives. Grab a loved one and sit them down. Inform them that November 10th is swiftly approaching. If they become confused and ask: “What’s happening November 10th?” toss your head back and laugh at their ignorance. Everybody knows what’s happening that day.

2. Drop subtle hints that will alert your friends and family of your intentions. Here are some example phrases to practice: “Once Fallout 4 comes out I’m never leaving the basement”; “Seriously, you’re never going to see me again”; “Have you seen the character creation screen? I’m going to spend hours adjusting the size of my nostrils”; “I’ve been waiting like six years for this. If you don’t hear from me for a week don’t worry, I’m fine.”

3. Start listening to nothing but music from the 1940s. Blare it from every room in the house so that your family understands that you’re stuck in Fallout mode. Perhaps the soothing sounds of the oldies will drown out their comments of concern, and eventually they’ll warm up to the idea of losing you to a console game.

4. Let your friends know that you never plan on seeing them again by wearing a blue and yellow jumpsuit with the number “111” stitched onto the back. This will alert them that you’re getting ready to enter your basement, never to see the light of day again. That is, until the year is 2277 and you’re finally allowed to emerge from your underground bunker.

5. Finally, start walking around sporting a thumbs-up and a bright toothy smile. If loved ones become wary of your suddenly creepy appearance, walk up and inform them that this is how you feel about the impending release of Fallout 4. Educate them that this is the traditional pose for the Vault-Boy, and you intend on mimicking this gesture until November 10th.

Follow these steps and you’ll alienate everyone you care about so that you can spend the rest of the nuclear fallout playing a video game.

—Follow Emma Kidwell on Twitter: @EmmaKidwell


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