May 15, 2014, 10:21AM

Twelve Things the Internet Told Me

All quotes verbatim, including punctuation and capitalization.

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  • “Sorry to be direct, but you've been obese for a long time.”

  • “Warning – Item Topless chick goes crazy in Mcdonalds might contain content that is not suitable for all ages.”

  • “However, having been honed in the cauldron of the right-wing hunting of President Clinton, to borrow and tweak a phrase coined by Joe Conason, piling on is something easily spotted.”

  • “This Donald Duck prank shows the original fall in it's most unadulterated context.”

  • “Don't tell me there's no train tracks in Alaska already.”

  • “But after a decade of disruption, uneven sales, and fierce competition, many leading figures in the conservative literati fear the market has devolved into an echo of cable news, where an overcrowded field of preachers feverishly contends for the attention of the same choir.”

  • “Also 'Frak you two' ...really ? unsimple urself bro.plz.”

  • “This Higher Learning event was held on March 13, 2012 at TIFF Bell Lightbox.”

  • “I have at times found the penis erotic, but it does not consume me.”

  • “Top Gear presenter says his efforts to obscure word while reciting eeny meeny miny moe 'weren't quite good enough'”

  • “Yet the traffic jam at the bridge was actually the tangible face of a farce sloppily written inside the government corridors of Trenton, featuring spiteful characters from Mr. Christie’s staff and the patronage-laden Port Authority.”

  • “The problem is everybody thinks they know what Godzilla looks like.”



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