As a child, I never thought of death. My life was about living carefree with a strange magic. It was always about the living. I never fit in with the rest of the herd. Alone, except for a few friends who shared my weirdness. Death's finality was not part of a healthy childhood. Leave the dying to the dead. The dead cannot laugh. They have no sense of humor. The dead can never die again.
I know more dead people today than I know people still alive. Funny how that pans out, at the end of a long, lost weekend of life lived on the edge. Screaming at the sky, that vast void is oddly attractive. The ones you least expect to survive so long outlive their own. It’s untrue that only the good die young. Bad people will die soon enough, and we’ll inevitably go away in time. Kicking and screaming. Crying will not help. Calling out for your mama, or Jesus, or any other unfeeling gods. When it’s time to go, one never knows.
Who’s the one that I love best? A morbid sense of humor keeps the laughs coming despite the year’s forgettable wasteful tears. All those years stacked like old newspapers filled with solemn silence, broken with a smile and hearty laughter. A stack of aged kindling ripe for the fires of youth folly. If you can’t laugh at yourself, then you’re not much fun or good company. There’s enough hatred in the world to keep the worm turning. Death can often be a major drag.
For example, you outlive your contemporaries, with nothing but contempt for the rest of their still-living. The main problem with life is that it eventually leads to death. It’s a terminal disease. Breathe in life, breathe out death. The heart doesn’t know it’s beating. Live a little, laugh a lot. Make death your bitch. Make it tremble and quiver with fear at the sound of your voice.
You must laugh to keep the tears at bay. Hold back that dark night; turn on the lights to curse the darkness in the world. It’s everywhere and no place at all. Don’t take everything so damn seriously. Lighten up your soul with chucklehead guffaws. Leave them rolling in the aisles. Nothing personal. It’s a little joke of nature. You must laugh hard and long enough to know you’re alive. There’s no harm in levity. No foul on the ball still in play. It's not a competition. It’s a good game to watch, but I wouldn’t recommend playing it. Why so serious?
Nobody wins the race for humanity. There’s no peace in dying. That’s the way it goes. Win some, lose plenty, and never surrender. Your time will come when you least expect it. May as well go out laughing with a bang. You may have an inkling of some kind of impending doom. Keep up with appearances and make light of your burdens. Nobody cares if it’s fair or unfair. It’s more about being happy with the dance moves in your head than anything else you can imagine. Unless you’re a wallflower. Work with what you have. The dance with death is different for everyone. We dance alone together in the ballroom of our own lost lives without partners. Without music. May I have this dance?
Death and the accompanying little jig, a crazy tune intertwined with private songs that only you can hear. You’re the singer, the music, and the song playing together in a way that makes you feel like dancing, but you have no control over the lyrics or the rhythms. The beat is off-kilter. The sound is muffled. The silence between the ears is music unheard.
The band plays on; the ship sinks. The laughter rings hollow, but it’s funny, nonetheless. We go on. Time stops and begins again with a flourish. A chorus of cheers and applause. No encores. Life’s dress rehearsal is over. The theme song begins with the soundtrack of your life. The splendor of a new day dawns upon the unsuspecting scorched earth.
It’s not easy being stuck in this skin when you just want to dance around your bones. The show that never ends, keeping up with the syncopated drama that follows you around like a lost puppy. The time signatures are so offbeat that they can never get the same tune for maximum effect. Don’t get me started; I'll tell you everything I know. There’s no punchline, when even your name no longer exists.