I’m a hippie-dippie empath who’s unfortunately ruled by emotion, and interpersonal relationships are often more important to me than they are to others; so important that I don’t have many of them. With acquaintances or professional encounters, I “mirror” the energy of those with whom I’m interacting. I’m not a chameleon, but I’m good at reading human emotions and behavior, simply responding to how I’m being treated.
I recently had a stressful encounter with a couple in a professional/acquaintance setting in which the man was polite and courteous and his wife was condescending and unkind. This dynamic and interaction has gone on for several years and is the only thing I won’t miss about the island. I’m a direct person and simply asked her if there was something wrong or an issue I could address. She didn’t answer. I said I’d been upset by how she’d treated me for the past few years, especially since she was very friendly initially, telling me she’d like to be friends. I told her that her anger was misdirected as I’d done nothing wrong. As the business conversation went on, I continued to communicate politely with the husband even as she interjected to target me with rudeness. The dynamic was insane.
It was suggested by someone who was aware of the situation that she (as a highly powered, wealthy CEO) was resentful of my bohemian, artsy, writer-candlemaker chill vibes on the island and that she was jealous of the time I got to spend in a place she wished she could. Jealousy’s a wasted-energy situation. You don’t like your life, fix it, that has nothing to do with me.
The primary emotion that presents with this miserable woman is seething, festering anger. I told her that her anger is misdirected and that I don’t accept it since I wasn’t at fault. I can’t stand bullshit, lies, avoidance. I’ll be a mirror for what you are putting out to an extent but mostly I’ll just call bullshit.
As I’m close to 60, the less I care what people think. I used to care a lot. If I thought someone didn’t like me I’d mount a campaign to win them over. But it’s not my job to be a savior or fixer or people pleaser. No more. I feel proud that after my years on the island of working on myself, faithfully attending therapy weekly, much reading, many podcasts and hippie-dippie moon ceremonies, I’m a little bit better than living in the grips of codependence. I’m not taking shit from mean girls or anyone anymore. I’m too old. I’m standing in my own power.