I interviewed Melanie Goldman, owner of Mind Over Borderline Therapy, about Borderline Personality Disorder and how she’s helped others by becoming a psychotherapist and opening a clinic. This is the first in a two-part series.
Mary McCarthy: What led to your diagnosis with BPD, and has it been helpful for you?
Melanie Goldman: It's really hard to say what led to the diagnosis because it feels like I’ve been "off" my whole life—or, as I say, different or unique. About a month before my diagnosis, I was in bed for pretty much a month straight, and this was around my birthday. I would say I couldn’t move—it was another depression and shame spiral, and I often talk about this with people with BPD. The comorbidities of depression and BPD are very high: one study found that up to 96 percent of patients with BPD will experience at least one major depressive episode in their lifetime. These depression and shame spirals came often, but this one was different—it felt like a chronic feeling of emptiness that wouldn’t go away. I couldn’t get out of bed. Many people during that month came into my apartment to check on me. I’d reached a level of crisis where I couldn’t move. My sister suggested I go to the hospital. That’s where I went through a very long diagnostic assessment and received the diagnosis. It’s been helpful. It’s led me to become who I am today.
MM: What do you think about the stigma of the BPD diagnosis?
MG: The stigma surrounding BPD is one of the most harmful forms of mental health stigma that exists today. I sit with clients daily who feel the weight of it, and I’ve done anti-stigma and advocacy work for over a decade since my own diagnosis. Stigma doesn’t just affect how people see us—it impacts our access to care, our sense of safety, and our sense of worth. It contributes to a widespread lack of education around what BPD actually is. People are less likely to seek therapy or be honest with providers about their struggles out of fear. Shame spirals that are already so central to the BPD experience. I’ve experienced it firsthand—during my practicum in educational settings, from colleagues in the mental health field when I shared my diagnosis, and in the day-to-day reality of living with an invisible illness that’s so often misunderstood and mischaracterized. The hardest part is that stigma exists even inside the mental health field, where professionals are supposed to understand—but many still fear or avoid treating people with BPD. Clients tell me they’ve been refused therapy or called “too difficult,” and that’s damaging. Studies show BPD is one of the most stigmatized mental health diagnoses, even among mental health professionals, which leads to delays in diagnosis, low rates of compassionate care, and exclusion from certain treatment programs.
MM: What advice do you have for someone just diagnosed with BPD?
MG: I have lots of advice for people who are just diagnosed—I’ve been sharing it on my new platform, Mind Over Borderline, because these are the things I wish someone told me early on.
—Do not go straight to Google or Reddit.
When you’re first diagnosed, your brain’s vulnerable, and what you’ll find online often isn’t safe or informed. Google and Reddit are full of harmful opinions, people who may be in crisis themselves, and communities that aren’t trauma-informed or evidence-based, so what you’re often reading is: subjective and emotionally loaded, not grounded in experience or professional training and not always written by someone who understands the complexity of BPD. Instead, seek out: safe, community-based supports, lived-experience voices, especially those who are also therapists or trained advocates, and resources that offer hope, tools, and education—not just venting or fear.
—You may not connect with the first DBT program, therapist, or technique.
Healing is not one-size-fits-all. It might take five years, 10 years, or more to find your rhythm—and that’s okay. Just because something works for someone else doesn’t mean it has to work for you. Your path is your own. Don’t give up.
—Every person with BPD is different.
There are 256 different combinations of symptoms that could lead to a diagnosis. BPD requires five out of nine symptoms—which means your experience can be different from someone else’s. There are also comorbidities (like depression, anxiety, PTSD, ADHD) and cultural and contextual factors that shape how BPD shows up in your life.
—DBT may not be the only path.
DBT is amazing for many, but it’s not the only approach to healing. Explore what works for you: EMDR, IFS, somatic work, group therapy, art, nature, community care—healing can be creative and flexible. What matters most is building a life worth living, not following a textbook version of recovery.
—Come back Friday for the second half of the interview with Melanie.