Politics & Media
Oct 04, 2023, 06:28AM

What Lauren Boebert Learned at the Theater

With a bit more experience, she’ll learn to not only flip theater security off, but also to laugh about it.

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What are we to glean from the “cinematic” escapades of Republican Colorado Congresswoman Lauren Boebert? Boebert was captured on infrared cameras at a Denver theater flaunting the no-smoking rule with a vape stick, disrupting with singing and gesticulations her fellow theatergoers enjoyment of Beetlejuice: The Musical, and flagrantly groping between the legs of her date. He reciprocated.

Let’s start with what Boebert claims she learned: always determine your prospective companion’s party affiliation before agreeing to go on a date. This would suggest that she didn’t know her companion—an Aspen club owner whose club hosts LBGQ+ events—is a Democrat. Dating a Democrat amounts to “box-office poison” for a conservative firebrand like Boebert, so it’s important that she make clear that she’s learned her lesson. We can only speculate how the story would’ve spun out had her companion been a Republican.

The episode reminded me of a joke line I’ve used when bringing a date to a Republican gathering. I invited a woman I knew was a Democrat to the wedding party of a good friend, and while she talked to some of the women, I said to some of the guys, “I think she might be a Democrat, but I won’t be checking her voter registration card tonight.”

Jokes like this will often get you blank stares at conservative gatherings.

Analyzing the Boebert fiasco on Bill Maher’s Real Time, his first show back after the writers strike, conservative commentator Mary Katharine Ham referenced studies that show Republicans are more willing to associate socially with Democrats than Democrats are with Republicans. Speaking for myself, I can tell you that’s true, for reasons that correlate to the aforementioned humor.

Regarding Boebert’s regrettable behavior (she has apologized in the chastised rhetoric of contemporary public apologies,) what struck me was the memory of first dates I had after my divorce. It can be an awkward time of testing the waters after years of marriage. Such dates can be exercises in futility, flat-out disasters, or manifestations of the renewal of interest in the opposite sex.

My reflections viewing the camera work on Boebert’s date night back up her own explanations. She was experiencing the latter, having fun being “back on the market.” Rather untoward was her behavior after being busted and escorted out of the theater, when she flaunted her congressional title with age-old “Do you know who I am?" With a bit more experience, she’ll learn to not only flip theater security off, but also to laugh about it.

We’ve all experienced boorish behavior in theaters or other entertainment venues like concerts, often where the seating is set and you can’t get away from the offenders. I was vomited on at a Ted Nugent concert; Boebert’s transgressions seem comparatively mild. Regarding her ribald sexual interactions, those without sin can go ahead and cast the first stone.

I’m a fan of Lauren Boebert. We desperately need staunch conservative women in our houses of government to impede the horrendous trajectory on which the Democratic Party is taking the nation, and offset equivocating non-MAGA Republicans who don’t seem to understand where their base and best chance for 2024 exists today.

Boebert is correct in her post-kerfuffle apology. While others might be able to cross the aisle for a night of bipartisan fun and games, an elected official must beware. On future dates, Boebert should ask to see that voter registration card.

  • Now I understand that Boebert's only real misbehavior that eventful evening was dating a Democrat. But I can't really tell whether or not this is parody.

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