Politics & Media
Jun 10, 2024, 06:29AM

Biden’s Running Troubles

His adolescent handlers won’t pull the plug.

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Last Thursday I was at Baltimore County’s GBMC hospital for a phlebotomy, and, as always—it never gets old—shook my head at the “No weapons” sign on the entrance door. I remember, years ago, being taken aback that in Texas congregants are permitted to bring guns inside a church, perhaps fondling the revolver’s butt as they loop into a rockabilly version of “Onward Christian Soldiers,” and then throw a couple of bucks into the collection basket. But this is Maryland, where there are hoops to traverse if you want to legally purchase a firearm—I’ve never owned one and shot a rifle on a single occasion, at a range in the Poconos with my brothers in 1978, all of us loaded—so GMBC’s warning strikes me as strange. If not guns—which first comes to mind in Maryland—perhaps it’s a reference to swords and big-ass wrenches.

While waiting for the nurse, I scrolled Twitter on my phone, and it was jammed with photos and videos of Joe Biden’s weird speech at Normandy, commemorating the 80th anniversary of D-Day. It takes nerve, stupidity or an adolescent speechwriter to compare what occurred in 1944 to the upcoming elections, as Biden said that democracy—can he spell the word anymore; I’m doubtful—is in danger, the same as WWII. What caused more commotion, however, was the question of whether Biden soiled himself while on stage with Emmanuel Macron, as he looked confused, and spousal abuser Dr. Jill had to escort him off the stage.

Bellicose conservatives, with no proof, claimed Biden shit in his pants, and even a buddy of mine suggested I change my President Sippy Cup nickname for the incumbent to President Poopy Pants. That’s too name-calling-at-recess for me, and besides, as the days go on the evidence that Biden’s an often incoherent and ailing man living a second childhood pile up. Some claim his did-he-or-didn’t-he moment in France will be his “Attack of the Killer Rabbit” unplanned photo-op that plagued the still-alive Jimmy Carter in 1979, but I don’t buy that. It was a different era, and the picture of Carter and Bugs’ relative was printed in every major newspaper. Today, there are no major print dailies—in that you pick one up in the morning to scan the latest news—and the latest lampoon of Biden will disappear within days.

On Friday, I read a sober analysis of Biden’s predicament by Matthew Continetti in the Washington Free Beacon (which he helped found) and I’d suggest it to any of Biden’s “handlers” who refuse to face reality and gently force their boss to pull an LBJ-1968 at the Democratic Convention in August. Continetti, 42, is a Beltway fixture, appearing on TV talk shows, writing for mainstream publications and the author of several books, one a defense of Sarah Palin. He’s also married to out-of-his-mind William Kristol’s daughter, which a casual observer might think would influence Continetti, but unlike his father-in-law, the man’s in the prime of his career and though I doubt he’s voted for Trump, he definitely believes Biden has no business, even as a figurehead, running the United States.

He writes: “Because we live in the era of Trump, Biden’s allies have continued to deflect and downplay the deleterious effects of his age, his enduring unpopularity, and his haphazard, too-little, too-late, incompetent, and iatrogenic policymaking… The debate scheduled for June 27 has become more important than I thought. A triumphant performance might revive Biden’s candidacy. But a flop could end his presidency.”

Continetti ends on a quasi-hopeful note for Biden’s supporters, but I don’t see how a put-up-your-dukes duel (with both men jacked up on drugs I’ve never heard of) with Trump can negate what the author describes as “haphazard” and incompetent” policies. Biden’s State of the Union address was hailed as “triumphant” by the liberal media, mostly because he didn’t wander into reflections of his fighting the Hun, alongside Ike, but it was a one-man show. If Biden gets his Irish (African-American, Mexican, Polish) dander up and socks Trump in the nose, that’d qualify as “triumphant.”

Otherwise, I can’t see how Biden endures Trump’s inevitable nasty asides, fibs, charges of indecisive Gaza directives, obeisance to Zelenskyy, current inflation and jabs at Hunter.

—Follow Russ Smith on Twitter: @MUGGER2023

  • Both candidates are flirting with the reaper. Both have their diaper supporters as well (one can apparently buy Trump Diapers at his rallies). The real question is like Reagan, who does the candidate fill his cabinet with while strolling down dementia lane? I don't believe either candidate will last the next term. You pretty much know what you'll get with Biden and Trump is a literal crap shoot. Neither option should be acceptable to an educated populace. But here we are USA 2024

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  • "Trump is a literal crap shoot" is a line to ponder.

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  • I wonder how many young (probably "whipsmart") planners are running through scenarios as you write this. I wish they would film those sessions for posterity. Also maybe film the debate prep where someone presumably plays Trump.

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