Jun 08, 2023, 05:57AM

Bro Talk

You sumbitch, how could you ask me that type question at a time like this?”

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“So how’s your mama?”

“Oh, um, she passed, sadly. Just two weeks back, in fact.”


“Yeah. The family’s done tore up about the whole thing, but, you know, we carrying on best we can and putting our faith in the Lord.”

“Well, I’m shocked. I just can’t hardly believe this.”

“Do I know you? Did you know mama, or something?”

“Just what the hell kinda question’s that, son? Course I knew your mama! We went to second grade together. My family moved to the city in third grade and I ain’t spoke to her in 60, 65 years, but I thought about her once or twice. You sumbitch, how could you ask me that type question at a time like this?”

“Lord, I didn’t mean to give offense, sir. It’s just I ain’t never seen you before. You just walked up to me in this here Save-A-Lot. I didn’t know you knew my mama, is all. Didn’t see you at the funeral, or nothing.”

“Well now you do know, you cruel sack-a-shit! I… I just don’t how I can carry on. I feel dizzy.”

“Yeah… well, listen I got to get to the checkout. My girls are in the truck and my youngest is sorta wild. I’m sorry for your grief, I guess.”

“Wait… please, just wait—can I maybe get a hug? Ain’t got to be no back rub, or nothing, I’m just needing an embrace, is all. Real quick like."


“You ‘member that time we went to Myrtle Beach? Hell, you couldn’t been a day over nine, 10. They was a Portuguese man o’ war done swim up and bite you right on your eyelid. You ‘member?”

“Sure do. Hurt like hell.”

“Yeah, you yelped like a whipped dog, you did. Hand me another beer, would you? Oh hey, you ‘member that time you tore a piece of link sausage in half and stuck the halves up your nostrils? You was real young. Maybe three. Why’d you do that, boy?”

“Can’t say I can remember that far back, truth be told.”

“How ‘bout that time we went to that national park out west. We seen them prairie dogs. You said, ‘Look yonder, daddy, they’s like little turds pokin’ up out da ground.’ You ‘member?”

“Oh yeah, I liked them little prairie dogs. That was a fun trip.”

“Hell, yes it was. What about that time we was all in church of a Sunday, and I’d done got released from the drunk tank that very morning, still buzzing, and your mama kept elbowing me for trying to feel her up right there in the pews?”

“Dang, can’t rightly say I do remember that.”

“And you ‘member that other time your mama had a psychotic break and had the whole family terrified that that registered sex offender that lived up the street—I think his name was Daryl or maybe Earl—anyway, she had us believing he was stalking your baby sister, you ‘member? And it done hurt me real bad so I had to go on a two-year bender with Skeeter and Dip down to Florida and leave you and your brothers and sisters in the care of a woman who was going through a devastating mental health crisis. Lord have mercy, I sure do miss them days, don’t you?”

“Yeah, mama was having a hard time back then.”

“You ‘member that first episode of Seinfeld we all watched as a family? New York City people sure are funny.”

“No, so you think it’s gonna rain? Looks like it might.”


“You catch the game last night, dawg?”

“Nah, how’d we do?”

“Fuckin’ sucked, homey. Three fouls. Three! I mean, da fuck, you know? Ruined us.”

“Pfft, dang, ain’t that something?”

“You telling me! Ima tell you right now, if Cal don’t pull his head out his ass Ima take my Wildcat flags off my porch pillars, car, and have the big flag pole hauled away. I won’t stop there, neither. I’ll have my house painted red. Cards, baby! You feel me?”

“Yeah, I… I mean, what can I say? They’re sucking this year.”

“Three fouls in the first period, dawg! You know?”

“Oh, I have to go. I filled my diaper again.”


“All I’m saying is, that if we don’t get that wall built, then immigrants will overrun this country and it will become a third-world shithole. Trump is our only chance. How can you not see that?”

“Yes, Trump is our only chance. I really do want to make America great again.”

“But five minutes ago I overhead you agree with that libtard over there that Biden was the better choice. What the hell, man?”

“Absolutely. Biden’s my man. I can’t wait to build back better.”

“What’s happening here? Are you simply saying whatever you think people want to hear?”



Far to the east is a beautiful and merciless forest encompassing hundreds of thousands of acres of protected wilderness. Men disappear in that forest every year and most of them die alone and hungry.


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