May 21, 2008, 12:22PM

The Doctor Is In

We're still recovering from the awful cultural blight that was Stifler's mom in American Pie, the character responsible for the social acceptance of the MILF. One young female turns the gender (and quality) of the relationship around, recounting her edifying spin with a DILF.

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"He asked for my phone number as I fished my coat out of the pile of wool and down in the guest bedroom. I gave it to him. Hours later, while walking to a bodega for some milk and cereal to tide me over after the lackluster dinner, my mind began to reel. Could he really be attracted to me? Had his divorce, which I’d heard his mother complaining about, even been finalized? Was he trying to be some parental figure I didn’t need?

I ruled out that last question the next night when he asked me what turned me on, laughing when I gave stock answers like “being kissed on the neck.”

“What about good conversation?” he asked teasingly. It was the first of many didactic moments in our time together. He stuck his tongue in my ear before I could worry about not having the right answer for him and why winning his approval suddenly felt so important to me.

The Doctor and I run into each other on the street every few months. I’ve since moved out of his mother’s apartment, and he’s officially divorced. We always hug, kiss and catch up. He looks at the woman I’ve become like a proud father—someone else’s. I look at him with thanksgiving.



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