Pop Culture
Dec 27, 2013, 09:58AM

Mostly Factual Predictions For 2014

Beating BuzzFeed to the punch.

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1. The word "unseasonably" will be used far too often to describe the increasingly dramatic weather fluctuations. It’ll be removed from the dictionary by 2034.

2. Health insurance will be as messy as it’s always been and will serve as yet another reminder of how fractured our country is. It will also save countless people from personal financial ruin.

3. San Francisco will continue to be a real estate playground for investors all over the globe, and a virtual playground for Silicon Valley, while Oakland and Berkeley will continue to thrive.

4. With the exception of a handful of shows on cable, television's impact on culture will continue to mean less and less. However, as long as cable companies retain their monopoly on live sporting events, television will always exist and cable will always win. Cities will continue to be united by their sports teams.

5. The Internet will be filled with even more 30-second advertisements and dropped connections.

6. People will continue to read, but the amount of time they read in one sitting will keep dwindling.

7. First they stopped writing letters to each other. Then they stopped calling each other on their phones. Then they stopped emailing. But they will never stop texting each other. Especially while driving.

8. Video calling will remain a work in progress that is sometimes genuinely awesome.

9. Educated and wealthier people will continue to have very few children. Under-educated and poorer people will continue to have many more children. Public education and adult education will continue to suffer.

10. We will keep eating more quinoa until there is a serious quinoa shortage, upon which we will all eat more lentils.  

11. Most people will continue to blame poor people who live in food deserts for their nutritional choices.

12. People will worry about the environment but will also continue to ignore their dog's shit.

13. More people will move to Canada.

14. Empathy will continue to slowly dissolve while apathy and entitlement will continue to thrive.

15. The urge to measure everything will continue to grow exponentially. The urge to grow things will remain constant.

16. The selfie will become even more popular. The desire to be acknowledged will remain as steady as it has always been, but the level of narcissism that desire exhibits will be increasingly polarizing.

17. Insularity and isolation will continue to define us in ugly ways, such as younger people never learning how to talk with each other. Instead, these young people will go home and do more of the following: masturbate/play video games/text/delay or ignore doing their homework.

18. The questions of whether or not to have children and when to have them will continue to linger in the backs of the minds of so many educated female thirtysomethings, and all male fortysomethings.  

19. The suburbs will have a hard time keeping their baby boomers, as they retire and downsize.

20. The majority of people will continue to talk about race and gender as if they were absolute facts, rather than cultural conditions or a construction of social dynamics and expectations.

21. More and more people will continue to choose partners who do not look like them. The human race will continue to thrive with increased genetic diversity.

22. More and more people will create awesome new things.

23. On the Internet, people without much time will continue to choose to read lists instead of paragraphs, in part because of the space between the lines.  

24. One benefit of writing a list: people have a sense that what they find in a list is factual, because the form has traditionally been used in non-fiction, and it includes numbers, which make people think of math, which make people think "smart," and which make even educated people think: "true."


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