“Respect.” You hear it a lot, but see it less. What motivates someone to show disrespect? Most of the unremarkable bad behavior we see in society today is learned early in life and plays a big role in what we do and what we assume is normal. If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of rudeness, you’re probably having a bad day.
One cause is stress.You could always tell when Peter Falk’s detective Columbo asked, “Just one more thing…” That’s when he knew someone was lying. The conversation starts to go south, a story begins to unravel, suddenly the truth appears then the plot unfolds. Ironically, Peter Falk narrated an early, uncensored reality tv series on PBS in 1978, called Scared Straight. The angle was teens talked about being incarcerated in California prison.
Our current medical encyclopedia is overflowing with all sorts of mental conditions and malfunctioning terms including: unintentional subconscious actions, selfish decision-making disregarding others’ interests, and sudden lapses using poor judgment, just to name a few.
Manners can be taught, trained and practiced. Tiffanys Table Manners for Teens is a witty and entertaining illustrated guide written in 1961 by Walther Hoving, the former, chairman of the board at Tiffany & Co. The book shows how to properly hold a dinner fork which entails, prongs down if you’re using your left hand. One thing’s for certain, mastering the importance of the fine art of dinner conversation with one another never falls out of style.
Which brings into focus a recent media report about the Gen-Z stare. Our use of vernacular is changing. A New York Times editorial by Alisha Haridasani Gupta reports, “A Generation is Bidding Goodbye to ‘Hello.’ Gen Z has adapted a range of custom phone greetings including no greeting at all…closer connections are greeted with something along the lines of “ Hi” “Yo” “What’s up?” and the intimate or hostile “ Yeah?” Amscray, politeness flies out the window.
The blank, deer-in-headlights gaze has nothing to do with intelligence. Typical in a vexatious age of over self-diagnosing, we tend to four wall and categorize everything, then give it a label. One possible cause of the stare, could be fallout after the biggest social experiment of our times: Post traumatic stress anxiety after Covid isolation. Years later, we still feel its side-effects with compounded health problems. One solution is to chit-chat.
Problems with phone communication goes even further. With numerous ways to communicate today, it’s difficult getting a clear reading. We live in a time that values sarcasm and irony over sincerity. Our psyche shouldn’t lie buried deep in our phones. Too often we see, people avoiding eye contact, afraid to talk in person. Yet, we yearn for personal communication. Of course, things can reach a boiling point quickly after being on hold for over 15 minutes. Who wouldn’t be in a bad mood after listening to an endless loop of crappy, canned music waiting for a human being’s help?
Then, there’s problem with just being old. Grumpy old men are a real thing. Cognitive decline with brain degeneration may have something to do with a constant bad mood. Sorry Grandpa. These new variations of rude are cross generational. Narcissism coupled with ego and low self-esteem is a volatile mix. Fueled by social media, it can spark aggression in social settings. Emotional incivility is contagious. The result of teens and adults using targeted harsh criticism or bullying can result in a sharp, negative impulsive reaction. We see disturbing tragic and deadly results play out daily on the evening news.
The HR department suggests calmer talking heads prevail to keep the discussion flowing. We can make ourselves feel better employing the right language and etiquette tools given the proper context. Communication and education is key. That keeps it smooth. It’s easy to raise the middle finger while performing dangerous car stunts at meetups. Dennis Hopper executed that statement in the final scene of Easy Rider. See where his character ended up.