Pop Culture
Apr 24, 2013, 04:53AM

Life As Art

The video treatment for "Big Guidette Style," the new single by Nicole Elizabeth "Snooki" Polizzi.

Snooki .jpg?ixlib=rails 2.1

Nicole Polizzi is sitting next to Matt Lauer on a divan; they are pretending to laugh breezily about something or other, like old friends who are catching up after a long time apart. Polizzi complements Lauer's tie, which is a spectral Area 51 blue, and then Lauer complements Polizzi's complexion, which is nondescript. Off-screen someone throws Lauer a two-toned Nerf football, which he catches easily. Polizzi smacks Lauer on the face, hard, and instinctively Lauer goes straight for her eyes, scratching desperately like it's what he was put on this Earth to do. No, Polizzi and Lauer are not on the Today Show set, they never were, this is a crack house that has attracted the interest of the business end of a flamethrower on more than one occasion, it's Sodom and Gomorrah, it's anti-chic, it's positively partied out. Lauer literally erupts into the Incredible Hulk but Polizzi is physically absent already, running wild down an abandoned boulevard flooded with klieg lights at midnight, screaming silently.

Because "Big Guidette Style" adroitly incorporates elements of New Wave, trap metal, ratchet, nardcore, and lite jazz, Polizzi is done up as Pat Benatar for the video's next several scenes. These scenes are pedestrian. We see Polizzi shop for bagels in Times Square, listlessly sign autographs for fans who don't seem at all excited to meet her and make small talk with buskers. Somewhere along the line Kreayshawn shows up, and not in the sense that the two woman intentionally pre-arranged to get together to hang out, but more in the way that a nasty case of bronchitis insinuates its way into one's life gradually: one morning the sickness is simply present and can’t be ignored. There is something soul-destroying about watching this pair, who are dressed identically, pick their way through racks and racks of thrift-store dresses as a lounge version of "Big Guidette Style" plays over the PA system. Something parasitic and voyeuristic. And then Kreayshawn is pointing at us, gesticulating, and Polizzi whips a .357 Magnum from a Hello Kitty purse unnoticed until just now and the screen goes dead.


Register or Login to leave a comment