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Pop Culture
May 27, 2008, 08:58AM

"Doctor" Is Latin For Jackass

Hospitals are scary places with many seriously hurt and injured people trying not to die. Most of us, when we must go, experience a hospital as a gloomy and sad place. But the professionals that work there understandably need to lighten up the mood, so they make jokes at our expense. Enjoy this list of medical codes for insulting patients.

#6. Faecal Encephalopathy

What It Means: Shit-for-Brains.

When It's Used: If you wind up in the emergency room because, say, you were trying to launch bottle rockets out of your anus, you can expect to hear this term thrown around. Latin, or pseudo-latin, is often used to convey unflattering terms and make it sound grandiloquent to the uninformed (or faecal-encephalopathic) ear.

Variations include Cranio-Rectal Syndrome and Cranial Rectosis, presumably for when the patient doesn't have shit for brains but merely has his head up his ass.
#3. CTF

What It Means: Cletus the Fetus. Used to describe infants born at 23 weeks or earlier, where their survival rate is less than 1%. There are no confirmed cases of babies surviving at 22 weeks or earlier, which means that children born then are less likely to live than someone who just jumped off the Empire State Building.

When It's Used: New parents have a tendency to not hear anything that doesn't fit the "Our child will survive because he is special, we are special, and we love him" paradigm. No. Little Cletus will make it no matter what those mean old overpaid

It's at this point you should realize that when you're surrounded by the sick and dying every day, no subject is too dark for comedy.

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