Jan 25, 2012, 07:28AM

Daft Punx

Twenty-three unique ways to enjoy “Pigs” (Ribbon Music), the new single from Black Dice, at peak volume.

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23.  Starting a food fight at Chuck E Cheese but escalating it to a full on, brass-knuckle brawl.

22.  Pretending to film a mocking Five-Hour Energy commercial.

21.  The World’s Strongest Man.

20.  Stripping stark naked and spray-painting yourself mauve.

19.  Blindfolded, hands-free ATV thrill ride in Trenton, New Jersey rush-hour traffic.

18.  Juggling shrunken.

17.  All-you-can-drink Absinthe shooters night at the local speakeasy.

16.  Shaving a likeness of the cover art from Hermaphrodite, Eric Copeland’s 2007 solo album, into your chest hair.

15.  Manic air-keytar soloing.

14.  Slip’N’Slide slathered with packing peanuts, Brylcreem, lard.

13.  Accelerated Frankenstein-monster clowning and/or re-enactments of select, scenes from Weird Science.

12.  A spirited game of bumper cars, only with real cars on an actual interstate highway.

11.  Head-butting competitions.

10.  Superhuman, game-changing Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest victory.

9.  Snorting lines of thermite off of a stranger’s toilet seat, in the dark, with snuff as a chaser.

8.  Hurling your television set across the living room

7.  Gratuitous fruit-bowling.

6.  Microwaving sterno cans.

5.  Silly-stringing beat cops.

4.  Multi-frame Hamsterdance overdose.

3.  Fast-forwarded nonsensical Jackass/Double Dare marathons after which you excitedly try and fail to synopsize everything.

2.  Projectile-vomiting paintballs choked down with guacamole on a dare.

1.  Couch-diving sans actual couches.


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