Listen, everybody: I’m not going to your Halloween party. I know, I know. I’m sorry, but I refuse. This has gone on long enough. It’s a kid’s holiday. A kid’s holiday. What don’t you get about this? Look, let’s just set the record straight.
This is Halloween:
This is not Halloween:
I wish it were, I really do. I like big-titted skanks as much as the next guy. But there’s a reason we gave kids Halloween. They need one day a year when they can dress up like a princess or Wolverine, because we don’t let them do that normally. We can’t. Imagine all the maladjusted weirdos we’d have on our hands. But you’re old. You can dress like that whenever the fuck you want. That’s one of the nice things about being old. No one can stop you from putting on a cape or a stovepipe hat or a slutty nurse costume and walking around like that all day long. Hell, if you wanted to, you could even go to med school, take up heavy drinking, and be a real-life slutty nurse. You’re old. That life-path is open to you, and I support it.
So by all means, go to a haunted house, have some friends over and watch bad horror movies, carve jack-o-lanterns, etc. but leave the costumes to the kids.
First photo: Roamer61; Second photo: Colorado Scenics
