Jan 02, 2024, 06:24AM

Postponed Until Further Notice

Until peace on earth, goodwill towards men, and all that rubbish remain untouched, declare all souls lost at sea, as there will be no celebrations any longer.

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Christmas, New Year's and all the rest of the meaningless menageries of artificial Hallmark card-contrived ceremonies weren’t cancelled. They should be kaput, along with everything you believe is right in this case, a woebegone, forsaken chaotic world. All that glitters isn’t tinsel. Yet on the way to canceling culture, there’s a lack of common sense. Xmas Xanax. But, sweet baby Jesus in Bethlehem, can we get a break from all this nonsense, please? What bloated kook is down there by the river doing all of this to incite violence and promote insanity? Easter bunny morphing mutation nailed to a cross.

Phooey on the crucifix (except on Halloween). When the dead walk the earth, hell has no vacancy. There’s no room at the inn. Monster Santa Christ. It may sound macabre, but Halloween’s the only fun holiday. Santa nailed to a wooden cross. Hallelujah. The Christ child oddity born on that certain date of jubilation celebration is a non-event every year. Xmas sucks Christmas balls. For crying out loud, no gifts for you, to or from my pseudo-friends.

I recently discovered there’s a new artificial intelligence death calculator app that will predict your demise with 78 percent accuracy. I don’t like the odds. Give the gift that stops giving. The Death App. It’s not a precise probability. I mean, not even your doctor knows for sure the exact timing of that occasion, and neither do you.  Ask your friendly neighborhood suicide bomber. Nine out of 10 doctors agree that Camel cigarettes are a healthy choice. And for that matter, it’s a no-go holiday. Unless you’re staring down the double barrel of a sawed-off shotgun, who really wants to know that answer? Keep them guessing and on their toes. Seriously, do we need another holiday where joy is a fake Lionel HO scale train garden going in circles around a plastic Tinytown in God's sick joke city? Holiday happiness is everywhere. It’s so sweet, I feel like a diabetic and so phony hurling my guts out my mouth. SOS. We’re going under.

Until peace on earth, goodwill towards men, and all that rubbish remain untouched, declare all souls lost at sea, as there will be no celebrations any longer. Down with the ship. That’s the spirit. A ceasefire during the holidays is what’s needlessly happening to men. No weapons are mentioned; there’s no talk of women, children, small pets, or every living creature on the bloody green planet. Through timely effluvium that passes only wasted days of lonely forever wars cardboard cutout people and media whores. Exploding explosives all over the place. Boom bam zap pow, it’s Batman! That’s not the way it goes. No, Gertrude, it’s not a wonderful life. There’s no White Christmas, die-hard Rudolph, the Grinch, pissing holiday blinking tree lights, or gin-blossom reindeer new year. There’s no Santa Claus or Hitler Hamas USA for merry cheers and another happy birthday in the new year. No boogie woogie for the blues, pointy devil horns. What a ho-hum day! Heaven’s a crime against humanity. Don’t waste time walking any of my paths in my shoes, that’s tedious. Walk in my head for 10 seconds. That’ll be terrifying.

From the beginning, Adam and Eve and Pinch Me Tight wasted no time destroying the garden of earthly delights. You can guarantee the devil got his cut from the destruction and despair. This is the dawning of the age of apocalypse. Original sin at the mad world's end. Please get the devil out of me. The insurgents held hostages as insurance. The insurrectionist regime holds America hostage. They’re making sausages. No one’s held accountable. Too bad, they could only kill them once. One year ago, I was a war criminal. Today, the savior of the holy land. Hezbollah hullabaloo. The ballyhoo of Broadway along the Gaza Strip. A meaty striptease of genocidal maniacs and zealots swimming in the West Bank. The final solution’s back again. You’re my strength, sword, machine gun, and my sweetheart nuke device. Murder and mayhem, or genocide, is just another word for nothing left standing.


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