Splicetoday

Pop Culture
May 28, 2009, 08:54AM

The economics of comic books

From the mind of ShadowBanker.

It has occurred to me that building repairs must make up something like 90% of the economy in comic book universes. This must be true to combat the rampant destruction in the comic book world. Nearly ever major title from DC comics showcases this constant and overwhelming destruction. Superman frequently levels Metropolis while "protecting" its citizens. Riots happen in Gotham City roughly every five minutes. A FRICKIN DARK GOD POSSESSED EVERY LIVING SOUL ON THE PLANET AND DESTROYED TONS OF BUILDINGS WHILE BURNING EVERY BOOK EVER WRITTEN!The same is true of the Marvel side of the superhero world. In a decidely random sampling of issues in the Marvel Universe, New York has been destroyed roughly 5 times in the span of a few comic book months. Thats right, in less than a comic book year Marvel Comic's version of New York City has been leveled by a weather-controlling Ultron Robot, a plague of Venom symbiotes infecting every citizen in Manhattan, an invasion by shape-changing aliens from outer space, a terrorist raid of the United Nations performed by a french acrobat, and a battle with a rogue Norse god. Each time, buildings have crumbled, streets have been cracked, and the carts of hot dog vendors have been thoroughly over-turned.In order to recover from such devastating blows, the comic book world must have an array of daring contractors and craftsman, willing to jump into the fray at a moment's notice. They are the truly amazing people in the comics universe. Somehow they are capable of repairing the Chrysler building overnight after Thor has been punched through it, only for the Green Goblin to the blow the top off of it the next day. And they do this consistently. For this to work, the public works department of Marvel's New York must be 1 billion workers strong. But still, with the amount of damage caused to the comic book world, the construction and repair can never stop.The work of the comic-book contractor truly is a never-ending battle. These intrepid contractors were given powers. The power of wood-working. The power of welding. The godlike ability to drive rivets into steel with unerring accuracy. And with this great power comes great responsibility. Only the comic-book contractor can use their triple barrelled caulk gun to repair the damage Wolverine causes to a truck-stop bathroom. Only the comic-book craftsman can repair Lexcorp tower every five seconds while watching tensely for a flash of blue and red or a giant purple and green battlesuit.Of course this begs the question of what taxes are like in the Marvel and DC universe. In order to pay for Superhero damage, it must be 18 billion dollars per person per year.

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