Moving Pictures
Jun 14, 2024, 06:29AM

The Blair Monica Project

Monica and Da Boss take a break and get scared at a revival screening of The Blair Witch Project.

Shutterstock editorial 5879059j huge 1562968093.jpg?ixlib=rails 2.1

BLAAAH!!! Da Boss jumped up from behind my editing desk and screamed in my face. I immediately got up and spur-clawed him bloody, mostly in the chest but some in the face, some in the arms, definitely cut his fingers. He was begging, crying towards the end: “MONICA! MONICA! STOP, STOP, STOP IT! I WAS JUST KIDDING! WHAT THE FUCK!!!” I saw the right amount of blood drawn, the proper amount, and I stopped. Not one drop less, not one drop more. I told him never to surprise me again and never in such a vulgar fashion. “What are you, five?”

He said nothing. He went up and stood in the corner for an hour moaning and calling himself “The Bitch.” He handcuffed himself to a radiator and then unlocked himself when I refused to notice. He got up and tried to do a handstand and almost fell down the stairs, but I didn’t go down to help him. I didn’t even look away from my screen. Because the only thing that’s important right now is the future of SATUR-19. But Da Boss is saying we should go check something out at the movies. And I need a break. AAAA-WWOOOOOOOOO-GAAA!!! I got him with that one.

We went to see The Blair Witch Project. He said it wasn’t as crowded as when he went to see Amélie the week before. “How’s my bitch doing?” He didn’t appreciate my joke. But Audrey Tatou and I really do go back. Anyways, we got in there, and it was a solid mix. Mostly young people. I told Da Boss most of the people in the theater had probably never seen it before; he looked at me like the Blair Witch. Totally blank. Then he started rolling around on the floor looking for gum to chew. No, but really, we found our seats quickly enough. The movie started and it was sooooo quiet. Like what the hell. Maybe they were playing a videotape and not a print or a DCP… Da Boss says I should know all of this stuff anyway… alright… no spur-clawing in public, remember…

The audience was laughing for the first half of the movie, and as the three filmmakers descend deeper and deeper into the pits of hell (Maryland woods), the audience got quiet. There was no laughter when Heather had her camera up to her face, apologizing for bringing her friends out here to make a movie, sorry that they’re going to die, sorry for their parents. The guy is standing in the corner. Okay, we all know that very well. But the thing that makes this movie worthy of attention beyond Sundance 1999 is that it never shows the Blair Witch. It’s just some stick figures and rock formations; there’s also some bloody teeth. But this is a movie anyone could make. They just made it first.

Da Boss was also talking about how beautiful the Hi8 videotape footage looked projected onto a giant cinema screen, and how its “inferior” lenses and machinery produced an abstracted, perhaps more beautiful image. As one character says at one point in the movie, “it’s like a filtered reality.” He’s suggesting shooting new sequences for SATUR-19 in Hi8 format. “We could use them as interstitials…” I told him I’d use him as an interstitial if he ever mentioned shooting more footage again. We went home and worked on the movie.

—Follow Monica Quibbits on Twitter: @MonicaQuibbits


Register or Login to leave a comment