The following are merely guidelines or suggestions; passive-aggressively subvert as you see appropriate.
• A favored Whitehouse lyric of the moment.
• A favored Narcotics Anonymous cliché of the moment.
• “Et Al”
• A post-modernist critique of the practice of making personal enthusiasms public by painting the windows of one’s indispensible automotive contrivance.
• Punchlines, sans jokes.
• A list of incidentals to pick up at the grocery store mid-week as a prelude to a more financially significant outing at the weekend.
• Acronyms that appear inscrutable, where the significance or meaning is not immediately apparent, rendered in painstakingly precise Olde English script.
• A solid 70 percent of car window paint abusers are the mothers of teenage jock co-eds named “Kayla” or “Jenny” or “Kylie.” This is well-documented; this is a fact. What America needs, though, is more car-window paint fetishists willing to scrawl “Go Svetlana win big at Nationals!” or “Swim like a sea otter at the Olympic trials, Xochitl!” or “Class of 2013 ROCKS we’re so proud of you Manjari!” all over the rear windshields of their late-model SUVs and environmentally-amiable hatchbacks, or maybe all over the rear windshields of the late-model SUVs and environmentally-amiable hatchbacks of total strangers. Bonus points if you aren’t actually acquainted with or related to anyone named Svetlana or Xochitl or Manjari.
• “Just Separated”
• A deconstructionist/Cubist rendering of any of the following images:
• You and pals clowning around in a photo booth, high
• Thomas Pynchon, present-day, or, alternately, a sasquatch
• A steroidal bald eagle crying before a windswept American flag backdrop
• The once de rigueur Black Flag “bars” tattoo
• An assortment of wild onions
• “JAH”
• Rows of Russian dolls, incrementally ascending or descending in size.
• “I’ve Spent A Lot Of Time Thinking About What To Paint Here”
• A truncated jeremiad in which a named rival or neighbor is strongly encouraged to fail in some important undertaking, perhaps accompanied by a sketch of a voodoo doll.
• Complex equations of a legendary or arguably mythical nature.
• Maddeningly condescending directions that guide the reader from one room in a house to another from in the same house, though the location of the house isn’t indicated.