Jul 14, 2014, 07:04AM

Subtweets Are Bitchy

The hunger for gratification is a dangerous one.

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Social media is part convenient networking, part unapologetic self-advertisement and an addiction. I’ve grown up in an age where everyone I know posts something to Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat or some obscure outlet every day. News feeds have replaced tabloids: who needs to read about celebrities when they can get the scoop on their old high school peers? The hunger for gratification is a dangerous one. The outcome of this obsession has yet to be seen, but surely so much time spent in front of screens isn't doing our brain cells any good.

One of the pretentious elements of this strange new ecosystem is the subtweet or sub-post, the passive-aggressive mention of a situation or a person without including names. Example, "She looked so ugly in that outfit tonight, ugh." That's all. What if people were to do this in real life? In a Starbucks, perhaps, when a girl sees her ex-boyfriend's new fling. She doesn't make eye contact or talk to her, but walks outside and screams, "What the fuck was she wearing?" to no one in particular. No likes, no attention save a few concerned glances. I’d suggest that this girl seek immediate therapy to alleviate her anger issues. On Facebook, however, her remark is answered with dozens of likes and maybe a few dense comments like "preachh! [insert stupid emoticon here]" or "YAAS."

Sometimes these posts can be downright mean, especially when they're specific enough for others to identify who they are about. I have been subtweeted more than a few times and it's disappointing. It’d be much more fun for you to come to my house, knock on my door and call me a bitch. We can even make a video of it. I’ll invite you inside for a cup of coffee so we can elaborate on the intensity of my bitchiness. If you're good on Excel, we could make a spreadsheet of how bitchy I am on a day-to-day basis, perhaps create a chart to find any correlations. On Mondays I'd say I hit a 7/10 on the Bitch Scale. It's never below a three at any given time. Does that sound like a trivial waste of time? Good, it is. So is your unwarranted rudeness.

The sense of entitlement that so many Millennials feel makes me long for the days of pre-school when many of my peers reached the peak of their social maturity. I remember the phrase "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" alongside laminated stock photos posted on classroom walls. If while trying to color inside the lines Jimmy told Katie that her bunny rabbit looked like an actual piece of crap, the teacher might have sternly pointed to the poster. Jimmy would apologize and tell Katie that her bunny looks okay. Now, Jimmy posts "what a stupid whore" on Facebook and his bros give him virtual high-fives. When did we forget our basic manners? 


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