Fail

The Rolex peddler Melrose Jewlers recently posted an "article" (with no byline) that argues—quite seriously—that a Rolex watch was integral to the recovery of Owen Wilson, who attempted suicide in 2007.

Despicable, awful stuff:

Whatever the hawks of the media choose to write, it is clear that Rolex played a major role in Owen Wilson’s recovery. Back in good form, the actor is nothing less than a comic genius in a time when comedy is a necessity. Wearing a Rolex Submariner and attending Rolex Benefits helped Owen Wilson realize his life was valuable and worth living. Once again, the precision and quality of a Rolex proves to be a lifesaver in more ways than one.